Self-help: Learn When to Say No

Everyone has 24 hours a day, no more and no less. How we use the time is a very personal issue. Since humans are gregarious, it is inevitable for us to spend some time with other people. There are different kinds of interactions undergoing at home, school, office, private and public occasions, etc. We can be so busy that there is no time left for our own or we simply don’t want to do a certain kinds of things, no matter we are tired or not. There comes the time for sure we have to say no and knowing when to do this is essential

(Say no, image from Google Search) 

When to say no?

1. When you don’t have the resources

Time, energy, knowledge and money are all limited resource to people. There is no replenishment for time. Once it passed, it’s gone forever. We can only manage our time better in the future. For the other three, replenishment is possible, but may not be available instantly. Face the truth that we may consume all the resources and leave none for any extra request from whomever.

When resources are depleted and we still promise this and that, we are over-committing and the result will be disappointment for sure. It is better to confess one’s inability to further commit so that the other party can look for new help. No sounds ruthless, but can yield happy ending if it is presented on time.

2. When you will harm yourself

People often do things that are capable of harming themselves without notice such as take drugs, excessive remorse, over expenditure, accumulating debts and defame others. The corresponding harm can be a physical, psychological, financial and social one.

Whenever we take actions, always ask ourselves what will be the consequences and its impact on life. Abort any destructive actions by saying no. This is a self-protection that you are the best provider in many cases.

3. When you will get exhausted

People have different ambitions or troubles in life. It is a merit to give others a helping hand. We also hope others will do a favor to us when we need help. However, some people have ambitions or troubles that are so big and chronic that your help may be insignificant.

As a family member, friend or colleague, say no when you foresee that you will get exhausted and your help will not improve the situation. Frankly, it is not an action of forsaking that person. You can still be supportive by transferring the case to professional help.

4. When you will get depressed

Interactions with the world shape our characters and affect our moods. Some people are more resistant to negative issues. They won’t feel depressed easily. What if you are the opposite? It is safer to say no, to people and things that will deject you then.

Never overestimate your ability to endure depression because it overtakes people fast and can be fatal.

5. When the request is illegal or will get you into legal troubles

There are a lot of things fall into this category – sell illegal drugs, bribery, engage in a gang’s fight and robbery for examples. Do not misuse your courage. The insistence on not causing harms to others will be a good yardstick to help you say no.

Always remember when you are not hurting others, you are more likely playing safe and not hurting yourself as well.

6. When you are in anger

Rush decisions at the anger stage are often negative because of self-destructiveness and harm to others. Saying no here requires people check the decision making temporarily, ignore the peer pressure if there is any and focus on calming down first.

Do not underestimate anger because it is very powerful to bias people. Only make decisions when you are composed. You are likely to analyze the issue more objectively and think over the potential consequences in a more prudent manner.

No, is a potent word that may save anyone from misfortune and avoidable regrets in one’s life. Learn when to say no, you can check going to the wrong direction and avoid ruining yourself and others.

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Other self-help articles you may be interested in reading:

High Quality Daydreaming as Self-help

Learn How to Sleep Well: A Lesson From Animals