Shut Up, and Go Faster

            Americans spend too much time talking to each other. There is not enough time to stop in the hustle and bustle of today’s modern world and carry on a conversation. We need to be more efficient. Get things done quickly, and do more than one thing at a time. Social interaction slows us down and decreases productivity.

            There is no need for two people to sit at a table and eat together. Eating is a solitary act. The only things you need are food and utensils; although, you don’t really even need utensils. Arranging to go out to dinner with a friend for conversation can take up too much of your busy schedule. Instead, you should go to a restaurant and call them while you wait for your food. They can also be in an eatery of some kind. Make sure you talk loud so they can hear you. Even better than this you should order your food at a drive through and eat in your car. In our modern world we don’t have time to sit down and eat. We should be multitasking. Get more done, faster. Perhaps you prefer to cook your own food. In this case you should hurry through the aisles with your head down to check your shopping list frequently. Avoid bumping into people. Now that your cart is full, it’s time to check out. Luckily this process is quicker than ever before. Thanks to modern technology you no longer have to wait for that slow cashier who might or might not be judging you based on your purchases. You won’t have to make eye contact or smile, and no small talk is necessary. The self checkout is a blessing; use it as often as possible.

            I’ve already said that you should use your cell phone to keep in touch with people, but sometimes that can be a real chore. Instead of calling your friends or family you should send them a text message. People don’t have the time to listen to you ramble about your day. Sum it all up in one sentence and send it. Reading a message is a lot quicker than calling, waiting for the other party to answer, and then carrying on a conversation. Maybe you just finished nuking your “Hungry-Man” dinner, and your sitting in front of your computer, you realize you need to relay some important information to your pal. Send an instant message to your friend. If she’s not in front of her computer, this message can often be forwarded to her phone. A few beeps notify her of your communication and she can read it. You told her a joke, and she wants you to know that she thought it was funny. You can’t hear her laugh, but typing out that she enjoyed it can be so demanding on the fingers. No problem, she types LOL. This informs you that she has laughed out loud.