Hello Laui, Nihau, Nihau! My name Sifu Dansac, I am Kung Fu master, I am comedian, I am know what is go on in the world. Recently, Sifu is lose him temper on-line and launch rabid attack on media, world politics and in particular on ‘War on Terror’. Sifu say terrorism is big lie, Al Qaeda is not really exist.

WHAT SIFU MEAN SAY THAT?

Sifu mean just this; do anyone really believe that world wide terrorist organisation hell-bent on world domination really exist? Come on, it like a movie, Laui; it like super villain in James Bond film, easy idea for Laui mind to comprehend. It just like when newspaper say immigrants to blame for unemployment or single mothers is responsible for high tax; it all bollox, Laui, simple answer made up hide complex truth.

Look at Afghanistan; seriously, is you actually think country like this able to threaten anyone? People in Afghanistan is collect water from well, not have electricity at home or glass in them windows. Afghanistan is among poorest nations on earth, technologically backward, ruled by extreme religious sect that oppress all modern development. Afghan peoples not know shit about America and them not care; them more worry about Taliban militia who police them streets and shoot people in the name of Allah.

No doubt Taliban is real, them been around for decades; Amnesty International is campaign for years and years for west to intervene in Afghanistan and put stop to Taliban rule. But Taliban is have no reason attack America; quite the opposite.

HISTORY OF AFGHANISTAN

You see Laui, in 1950s America is very afraid of Communism, especially from Russia. Russia is invade Afghanistan and America is go in to stop country from turning Red. To keep Commies out of Afghanistan, America is arm Taliban and put them in power. If you can’t be bother read history book, watch Rambo III; all the history is right there on big screen, show how America love Taliban long time. There is even evidence suggest Ossama Bin Laden was grow up in USA, study at university and join CIA. Therefore, Taliban have much to thank America for, since America put them in power; why then Taliban attack USA? Them not; first, them got no reason, second them got no capability. Seriously, Laui, what is America say after 9/11? America is say “now we bomb Afghanistan back to the stone age!”, and that exactly what happen.

Follow Sifu thought here; worldwide terrorist network would obviously know all about American military, would already be aware of fighter jet, huge army, aircraft carrier, helicopter, laser guided missile, satellite observation, air base all over world… all this stuff, worldwide organisation of terrorists would know. It would also know that there no chance, no chance at all, of victory by little bomb plot here and there; if them are smart enough to plot bombing of country on other side of globe, them smart enough to see it totally pointless. Only way them think them have a chance is if them not know how big is America, how many soldiers, how powerful weapons; if them not know these things, them not able plan attack in first place.

Here in west, we assume enemy is like us, have satellite and TV, know what is going on in the world. People in Afghanistan is not; Taliban is oppress all western things, keep people ignorant so them not want coca-cola or nice clothes. Taliban is not use this technology, them think it is evil; them is find America on old-fashioned map, make plans on paper if them make plans at all. Taliban very happy before 9/11, running Afghanistan and worshiping Allah. Why them attack, and more to point, how? Them is even involve in world trade, selling drugs to west; why them jeopardize? Taliban is real, but them is not world network; them is minute extremist faction, only bother world after America force them out of Afghanistan.

Where Taliban go? Taliban go to Pakistan, right next door Afghanistan, and carry on them fight there; Taliban not interested in whole wide world, only interest in Afghanistan and neighbouring countries. There is no Islamic power bloc; them is all separate countries, all torn by internal strife and tribal division. Them got no interest in west, them only jealous because west is live rich and decadent while dictate how them should live them impoverished lives.

SO WHO ARE THESE TERRORISTS?

These terrorists, Laui, are crazy loners; recent America high school shooting not about world Islam; it about one crazy kid go nuts and use religion for him excuse. That’s it; him not part of plot, him on him own. All terrorists like this; them got them own ax to grind, or else them is crazy loner. Truth is, western capitalism need enemy for to exist; arms trade is biggest business in the world, and arms trade is need wars for to sell bombs; there must always be someone to bomb, or arms dealers go bust.

GLOBALISATION IS A LIE

True globalisation not exist when there must always be an enemy; under Capitalism, there will be peace on Earth when planet is invade by Martians and not before. If alien invasion land, peace on Earth happen overnight; suddenly all peoples is look to the stars and give up racism; who care about black man or white man, Communist or Capitalist, when all can unite against green alien invader? Until then, always have to be war; this is one of many contradictions within capitalist and neo-conservative thinking.

COMPETITION IS A LIE

Capitalist thinking is that competition good; people all improve by compete against each other. Two men who are friends can walk along, dawdle and chat, take them time; two men in competition will run, save breath to race each other and get journey done quick, leaving more time to work. Competition sometimes arise naturally, like maybe both men got a reason want finish journey alone, but human race cannot compete with each other in every part of life. Family cannot compete within itself; all that happen is family fall apart. Poor people and workers cannot compete within them own ranks; all that happen is rich man take control, buy poor men off individually for peanuts rather than shell out big time to whole united mass of workers.

WHY YOU ALL WORK SO HARD?

Capitalism sure speed up human development, especially of technology, but drive fast is not drive safe; human race in danger of crash unless slow down. Human race is go too fast to read map, too fast watch for hazard on road, too excited by speed to think straight. Capitalist is think people lazy, so him introduce competition make everyone work hard. But work hard is not whole point of life, Laui; that is crazy idea! Did you know that modern commuter is work longer hours than medieval peasant? Medieval peasant is spend couple days a week work him landlord’s field, rest of week dozing about in him garden watching crops grow and playing with him children.

Capitalism is say progress good; sure, Sifu agree, but it not progress to dump old stuff that is good for new stuff that is bad. For people go back to work them own land, build them own house, grow them own food and raise them own kids is not the same as give up light bulbs and hot water; we got all this stuff Laui, so obviously we going to keep on use it. But we could use differently. Everyone could have solar panel, make him own electricity. Local well in village could become local pumping station, running water for miles around.

Everyone grow them own food, but everyone grow different stuff; we still need money for to trade, but people could also barter. Plumber and electrician still got work, but now them sit around at home drinking tea and getting fat, waiting for phone to ring. Phone ring, plumber get in car and go do some work. People live in cities now because them need to be close together for run complex society; well, we got cars now, Laui, and railway and plane, we even got helicopter; there no good reason people all live squash together except that we all concern about shaving seconds off everything we do.

Why you all in such big hurry, Laui? Calm down; human race not live on brink of survival any more, we come away from all that, live in nice house now with TV and electric kettle. Technology make everything fats and easy, but all people do with spare time is run around faster and try to do more; geeze, Laui, relax; everything pretty much already done, sit down already.

THE 21st CENTURY

Human race has just arrive in 21st century, time now is to catch breath and see where we are. Oh, look we in the future, with Star Trek communicator, beginnings of virtual reality cyberspace, satellites do all kinds of neat stuff, genetic engineering and solar panels. Hell, American military even working ray gun! We in the future, Laui, the future! Here we are in future and what we do? Sifu tell you what to do; all Laui everywhere should just stop. Stop, sit down, have drink and look at all the neat labour-saving devices humanity have make. Labour-saving devices; now there an idea that went wrong. Instead of save labour, technology just make time for more work. Now we have all this stuff make work easy, why not use free time for sit on you ass, drink tea and enjoy life?

IT ALL THE PURITAN’S FAULT

What this Puritan idea that work is good and rest bad? Who is the idiot decide life meant to be miserable and full of work? He is some Puritan hundreds of years ago, that is who. Maybe him have a point when people scratch a living from dusty earth and not have running water, but we live in modern world, Laui! Even better, we live in the future! Captain Kirk is not use money; what him say in Star Trek IV; him say “The human race has evolved beyond the need for money.” Captain Kirk is American, on American TV, and even him say this, so when it happen, Laui? It happen in the future, but we are in the future now, Laui! Look at Star Trek IV, where is Captain Kirk? Him is travel back in time to the ‘80’s; he is in the past, and we are watch him from the future, so why not al Laui screaming at TV “When this happen? Here we are in future, with all neat future stuff, and yet still live life like it was Industrial Revolution!”

It the 21st century, Laui; it the future! People all over world have been wait for this with baited breath, crossed fingers and tight clenched butts, all excited about amazing world of the future. Here is future, right here, right now, and still you are look to tomorrow for better world; are you nuts? We got everything we need, Laui! We got TV and comfy sofa and technology for to do majority of work; why the hell we work so hard for all of this, if not to enjoy it? Why you daddy and grand daddy work so hard all them life, if not for you to have it better, drink more and have more sex and lie-in more often? What the point of be rich if you not take time to enjoy it?

The world is rich, Laui, so only reason we all work is to satisfy Capitalist greed; them want you live in shit so them can wipe them ass on silk. Yet there is enough paper in the world for all our asses, Laui; so long as we all agree to use paper, every man can wipe him own ass at leisure. Only when rich man need silk ass-wiper will you find poor man who can’t spare time from work to clean him own shit.