Sleeping Through Deadlines

Redundant, repetitive shrieks reverberate against the walls, torturously shocking my consciousness from a dream and into a nightmare. Suffocating my ears in a pile of pillows fails to drown the sound vibrantly pulsating from across the room. My eyes are rusted shut like the doors of a two-car garage and when I finally am able to pry them open, a truck of overwhelming sensation plows through them, unloading a monstrous mass of cold, raw concrete into the frontal lobes of my brain. My vision is blurry and the siren signaling the dusk of liberty and the dawn of a new day continue as I reluctantly peel the covers from my body, exposing it to the teeth of cold air nipping at my every surface. Then suddenly, the pressure of a powerful geyser overwhelms my bladder and I sprint to the bathroom, gouging the bottoms of my bare feet on any objects in my path.

This is what waking up is like every single morning. Waking up is painful. The same suggestion I’ve heard my entire life is to get to bed earlier. Okay. Fine. I get to bed earlier. Then what? I lay there awake. I count sheep, count breaths, practice conscious relaxation exercises, and whatever. I’m still awake. Just because I’m in bed doesn’t mean I’m going to be asleep. Then I wake up and the whole thing starts over again. Sometimes I go to great lengths to force myself into being a morning person. I set my alarm incredibly early so I’m tired that night. I can keep that up for a while, but I always fall back into the exact opposite pattern. What the hell is wrong with me?

Nothing. Nothing is wrong with me. It’s the way nature intended me to be. It’s our society to blame, not me. Why is our society so discriminatory against those with biological clocks such as mine? Why are natural nocturnes persecuted like this? Whose great idea was it to have the work day begin early in the morning and end in the afternoon? Is that some kind of idea they had in 1301? 1423? Why not start in the afternoon, end in the evening, and have all night as free time? I mean, really. Why the fuck not? How many morning persons do you know and how many non-morning persons do you know? Don’t we live in a democracy? Can’t we vote on this or something?