Talking to Yourself and Getting Your Audience to Listen

When it comes to talking to yourself, there is a right way and a wrong way to go about it. Don’t be fooled by all those self-proclaimed “gurus” out there who claim to know the best method for talking to yourself. I’m often considered a guru among intellectuals, astronauts, world leaders, and house pets, and I’m here to tell you that there is only ONE way to successfully talk to yourself.

Step 1- Preparation

Before you even begin talking to yourself, ask yourself some simple questions. “Do I have what it takes”? “Am I strong enough, both mentally and physically, to make this happen?” “What do I expect to gain out of talking to myself?”

By preparing your mind in this way you will be able to determine if you want this to happen for the usual reasons – money, fame, women – or for deeper, more meaningful reasons – more money, infamy, possibly men. Public speaking is also about connecting with the audience, something you need to remember. Look your audience square in the eye and state your opinions with conviction. Now that you have prepared yourself, let’s start practicing.

Step 2- Concentration

If someone tells you that anybody can talk to themselves, they’re either a liar or they’re trying to sell you something. If someone’s telling you that in a used car dealership, they might be both. If somebody tells you that on the telephone, quickly check your tattoos in the mirror to see who might have killed your wife and ask loudly, “Who is this?”

Talking to yourself requires a degree of concentration that was previously found only in elephant tamers and abolitionists, but in these enlightened modern times anyone can learn to talk to themselves. To increase your concentration, try some deep breathing exercises and focus on the meaning of your words. Remember, speak with conviction and feeling, and your audience will quickly realize that you are not one to be trifled with.

Step 3- Beginner Phrases

If you’re a beginner and have never talked to yourself before, I want to first offer my congratulations. You are embarking down a long and prosperous path which will serve you well for the rest of your life. Start by saying these phrases in private, and then take it to the streets to practice your self confidence in public.