Teaching Our Children to Lie
by People say that "honesty is the best policy". Parents claim to teach their children to tell the truth, but we live in a society where the ability to convince others of untruths is necessary for success. How does this happen?
The chocolate cream pie sat on the table. Creamy and delicious, it was just asking for someone to eat it. As I went to clean up the baby’s plate, my head was turned for about 60 seconds, just long enough for the two boys closest to the pie to hatch a scheme. When I came back, the younger was claiming that the older had put his finger in the pie, and sure enough, there was a fresh fingerprint, small, but plain for all to see. My older son became indignant, claiming the younger had done it. My younger son insisted quite vocally that he had seen the older put his finger in, twice. Who did it? We have our suspicions, but the answer is still a mystery.
Image by foodistablog via Flickr
Why do they do it?
There are many reasons why children lie. They fear punishment. They want a reward they haven’t actually earned. They want people to like them. They sometimes try it out just to see if they can get away with it. If you ask them, they will sometimes give you the standard kid answer of “everybody else does it”.
“Everybody else does it!” As a parent, the first definition for “everybody” you come up with is “other children”. Unfortunately, it is not the children that are the most often dishonest. How many times have you commented to your spouse or significant other that you really don’t want to see a certain neighbor, but when they knock at your door, you smile and invite them in? How many times have you assured someone that you are “fine” when you are actually not feeling well due to illness or stress? Children are very observant. They notice these things, and their quickest method of learning is by imitation.
Image via Wikipedia
How society rewards liars.
Do you like to be around a depressed person? For most people, the answer is no. If we are feeling down and we actually tell someone what is wrong in response to the courtesy, “How are you?”, the result is usually socially awkward. It forces a commitment beyond what the person intended by the question. On the other hand, even a fake smile and a positive response encourages positive social interaction. We generally hide negative moods in public in order to get along with others. We lie about how we are feeling in order for people to like us.
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