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The Stigma of Domestic Violence

This is an article about how it affects not only the people involved but other people.

There have been many cases making the news even though domestic violence murders are under reported.  One mistake that some women make is to continue contact with their abuser.  They do for the kids or because they can’t survive on their own.  I myself Have had to reluctantly go back to an abuser for that reason and it is a sad one.  When they know you can live on your own they know they have you.  If you try to better yourself and move on they get angry and sometimes that escalates into very violent and tragic endings.  The stigma is not to talk about it.  To be ashamed because you are abused.  But the thing is we don’t asked to be hit, punched, sexually abused or held against are will.  We aren’t the ones doing the abusing but people still don’t want to hear it.  There was a case recently in New York State where a woman vocalized that she was leaving her abuser on Facebook.  Well, she wanted to start a new beginning with a new boyfriend but it never happen.  She needed to be silent about it until she was out.  Unfortunately that was the mistake she made.  She was almost free, so close to a new life.  And he thought he had the right to take her life.  Who in the hell does he think he is?  These cases upset me and I wish I can be an advocate for this serious problem but because I have a disabled child my free time is limited.  But instead I will write and try to get the word out to help others.  

About ten years ago I was renting from a family that lived downstairs from me and the wife and step children were being abused.  I tried to help the woman by talking to her and I had to call child protection services because the kids came to me and said they were tied of being abused.  I opened my door to them and they were removed and living with the grandparents.  The woman went back to him.  The last day I saw her she looked like a scared chicken standing behind him on the porch.  She was 5′4 and he was 6′4 and over 250 pounds.  What a bully.  It wasn’t a fair fight and he knew it.  These cases, and there are many are very sad.  We need to stand up to this.  Document what is happening on a calendar.  Tell friends and family and his co-workers.  Get a protective order and go into a shelter if need be.  Let’s stand up and say we won’t take it anymore.  It’s not our fault.  It is their problem and they(the abuser) need serious help.

One thing I do want to make clear is if he abuses you he will not be a good father.  What I mean is that this is traumatic to the children to see and by abusing the mother he is hurting the children as well.  They will carry what they see for the rest of their life.  Sometimes they children get abused later in the situation.  Don’t think it won’t happen, it will because they want to hurt you deeply.  Why? because they have their own problems that they need to straighten out.  We need not be embarrassed because we tried our hardest.  Once you recognize that you are not the cause you can begin to remove yourself from the situation and go forward with your life.  Don’t be afraid to reach out for help. 

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