Unethical Circumstances of Power in Relationships

Spousal abuse, child sex abuse, doctor-to-patient sex abuse, and leadership-to-follower breaches of trust are some circumstances in the use of power in a relationship that is unethical. Recent examples in the use of power in relationships becoming unethical are the Warren Steed Jeff’s conviction, the rash of Philadelphia police officers caught in sexcapades, rape, and spousal abuse, and Arnold Schwarzenegger’s affair on his wife.
On the broader spectrum of power becoming unethical in relationships is when a leader misuses his charisma to corrupt a band of misled followers such as Adolph Hitler did with the Nazi’s and Osama Bin Laden did with the Taliban. The abuse of power in each case stems from a narcissistic tendency uprooted by self-serving biases that impersonalized people of lower power as objects of one’s unethical behavior.

The acceptability for one people to be attracted to the other only because of his or her power depends on the circumstances surrounding the attraction. The attraction is acceptable when a person has his or her vulnerabilities in check and seeks to find who the person with power is rather than falling prey to blind Idol worship or looking to manipulate the person in power. The attraction is unacceptable when a person’s vulnerabilities go unchecked by idealistic fantasizes that blinds sensical perception and leaves themselves open to victimization, or vice-versa, he or she victimizes the person with the power.

According to experts, we tend to find people credible when they display a blend of enthusiasm, trustworthiness, competence and power and that there are many levels of relationships that encompasses such power and prestige. Just because a person of power and prestige can successfully relate to friends and coworkers does not make him or her competent to associate one-on-one in an intimate relationship. In contrast, the person of power may be well suited for a successful intimate relationship.

However, when a shift in power elevates a person to a position of leadership, the sense of being different and socially distant can impersonalize the vulnerabilities of those in a lower power position; weighing the costs for self-image confirmation becomes distorted by misdirected charisma in awe of such power. Distortion received by the self-serving biases of the empowered then distorts unethical behavior into mutual identification by those vulnerable to victimization. Many of us ask the questions, “how could she stay with that pig,” or “how could such a nice boy like that commit such a horrible crime?”

Whether such an attraction is acceptable depends on the intent of those attracted. While blind devotion to power can invite misuse of power and abuse, those who hold such power can also invite those who see them for their pocketbooks with intent to help empty it, or just simply use the prestige for his or her own impersonal gain.

The answers lie within the person who is vulnerable to unethical charisma and by those willing to use that power unethically.