When it’s Not the Magic Word

Though it is not reported in the news, I know it is an epidemic among women. It’s everywhere. It can start as early as childhood. I have been aware of its deadly effects for as long as I can remember. I knew it when I was 5 or 6 years old. My mother was active in it long before I was born. My mom would do it all day long. She became immune to noticing its harm. Though at first it is unnoticeable to the naked eye, any person can become aware that it affects all facets of a female who is active in its grip.

At first, it shows itself only in speech. In just two seemingly innocent words, a woman can be infected. I heard it constantly as a child and I now consider myself an expert in detecting the disease.

From morning until night, until I left home at 18, I listened to my mother declare:

“I’m sorry; no, I’m sorry; Oh – I’m so sorry; Well, I’m sorry” or my personal favorite: “I’m sorry, BUT…” It killed me then because I could feel my mother’s self hate and manipulation every time she said it. She never once meant it. I see women doing the same thing each day. And it still kills me.

When a human makes an apology, it is understood that this person is aware that he/she has acted in a way that has caused harm, emotionally, psychologically or physically to another person. This apology is meant to be an active sentiment, articulating to the harmed person his/her feelings of remorse. Most importantly, the apology is a statement of intention. The apologizer is communicating his/her objective, which is to do his/her utmost to never repeat the harm done.

This information should be written in girls’ bathrooms in primary schools everywhere. For today, the number of females using the words “I’m sorry” to mean “I’m sorry for who I am” is staggering. It’s heard in schools, out of the mouths of young beautiful babes. Girls and women say just these two words: “I’m sorry” but I hear so much more than that. They are saying, “I’m sorry I have needs.” They are saying, “I’m sorry I am not as pretty as her, not as smart as I should be, not as quiet as you wish I would be”. They are saying, “I’m sorry I am not super- human”. They are saying, “I’m sorry I take up space on the planet.”