When you play “Duck! Duck! Goose!!” with the police, you have a problem – Part Two

I’ve often heard two things in this life. One: for every person who lives, you have a double out there somewhere. Two: God has a sense of humor. Both proved to be true that day because as I was finally starting to feel somewhat relaxed, out from behind the locked doors walked a physician. At that moment, I heard God turn to someone and say, “Watch this…” The physician was the spitting image of my ex-lover, and God was yuckin’ it up big time. I was as happy as a cat who was being offered a bath. The ONE person who had driven me to the edge without the aid of a roadmap or having had to stop and ask for directions, and HE was there!

“Oh just kill me now!” I murmured miserably.

I had to ask to make sure. I stopped him on the way by and asked his name. He was shocked and wouldn’t tell me his first name. He avoided me more effectively than if I had “bubonic plague” written on my forehead after that.

Finally I was able to see the physician who would decide if I could be discharged.

“Why did you do it?”

“I wanted out. I was tired of everything.”

“Don’t you know killing yourself doesn’t solve anything? The problem is still there.”

“Yes I do, but the thing no one ever focuses on is…some other poor b*stard is stuck working it out, not you at that point.” He nervously laughed. “Besides, what’s the big deal? Don’t we all want to go to heaven? So what’s it to you if I cut in front of you in the line? It’s not like you’ll really notice.” He didn’t know how to answer that.

“Give me one reason why I should discharge you.”

“Because Doctor so-and-so looks exactly like my ex-lover, who drove me to attempt suicide. Why would you want to keep me in such close quarters with the object of my despair?”

“That’s a good reason.” He grinned in an attempt to keep from laughing. “Ok, I’ll let you go.”

They say laughter is the best medicine, and although I couldn’t find a reason to go on, the comedic humor of a situation later on down the road can bring out strength you didn’t know you had.

My friend’s daughter is doing better and learning to look on the positive side of life. She’s learning there are always options and different paths, and she’s learned the suicide had nothing to do with her. She is no longer plagued by guilt.

As for me? I’ve learned that my happiness does not and can never come from the things here on earth, but in the love of a man I hope one day will say to me, “Well done, good and faithful servant. Enter into your rest.” Life can still deal some harsh blows, but if Job could survive his ordeal and understand God’s in charge of it all, so can I. All is “Father-filtered” in this world, and that means God will never put us through more than what we can take.

It’s also helpful to share your experiences because suicidal thoughts are the hardest and most painful to admit to. It is admitting to a collection of failures and anguish that can’t be drowned with alcohol or cheesecake. Sometimes, you also have to see someone else come out on the other side in order to believe there really is light at the end of the tunnel, and no matter how bad it is, there is light if you look hard enough.

In my case, my friend’s other daughter had a friend who was contemplating suicide. I talked to her and told her of my experience. She laughed and apologized, “sorry, I don’t mean to laugh, but the way you tell it…it’s pretty funny.” A week ago, I met her again after two and half years, and she found the courage to leave a bad family situation behind and start over fresh. I don’t know if my words had any impact on her then, but if they helped her…I’m glad.

Let your mistakes be an example of, “what not to do” for someone else.

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