Following the recent increase in gas prices there was some public outcry accusing us, your favorite oil companies, of greed and corruption. The reality, however, is that nothing can be farther from the truth. Most environmentalists agree that an increase in gas prices results in reduction of green house gases emissions, thus slowing the global warming. Another positive effect of that price increase is a rise in food prices which many economists believe will lead to less food consumption and thus help in our efforts to reduce obesity. It is such considerations, rather than greed which we loath, that convinced us to raise the price of gas.

It may seem to some that we do not have any expenses and this, too, is far from being true. In addition to the bribes we have to pay the rulers of the oil-producing countries we also have to donate large amounts of money to the campaign funds of most US politicians in order to prevent any investigations of our price policies. Just the donations to congressmen alone, without taking account of local politicians, use a major part of our increased profits.

Remeber, gas is still cheaper than other common commodities such as coffee in Times Square or champaign in Champs Elysees.

We therefore reject all the allegations against us and will be more than happy to supply all your energy needs as long as you’re stupid enough to pay.

Your beloved oil companies