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Winning Afghanistan From Home

A cinema addict’s solution to the War on Terror.

            The problem with the War on Terror right now is not an issue of surges or diplomacy, of embargoes or conflicting market interests.  The root of our stagnation grows deep in the hills of Hollywood; a region that is not pulling its weight on a national burden.  Politics may dictate the rules and boundaries of our country, but by God no speech can hammer in a message for 90-120 minutes the way a film can, and movies are coming up short in the moment we need them the most.  As a nation there are things that we don’t need; we don’t need romanticized vampires, we don’t need national treasures, and we don’t need an elderly Robin Williams.  We need our hero-model for crisis expediency, straight from the mold that God made and Uncle Sam threw away, we need our Jack Ryan.

            Jack Ryan is a one-size-fits-tall, born in the novel and made on the screen, swashbuckling maniac who has branded his name on books and branded the flag on his heart.  What’s this, some strange anomaly shows up in naval intelligence?  Alec Baldwin’s brainiac Jack Ryan shows up to show us what those secret submarine panels are all about.  Irish thugs show up to kill the queen of America’s best friend in the whole wide world?  Harrison Ford’s action hero Jack Ryan rolls out to do some damage to those punks. 

                   

 

Cover via Amazon

 

In 1990 you get “The Hunt for Red October” in response to the chaos of a crumbling Soviet Empire, in 1992 “Patriot Games” addresses the ongoing troubles in Ireland, and 1994’s “Clear and Present Danger” takes on new the war on drugs.  Ryan harnesses Russian naval unpredictability and what happens?  We get a predictably corrupt democracy under Boris Yeltsin.  Ryan presses the buttons on an unnamed group of Irish terrorists?  Belfast Agreement for a ceasefire in ’98.  Ryan wipes out a drug cartel in Colombia?  American delinquents switch from crack to pot.  It’s almost magical.  With the exception of Bosnia and Monica Lewinsky, all of the major crisis’s facing American life were targeted by Jack Ryan on the screen and then resolved in reality within six years.

            So now, in a post-9/11 world, where on earth is our Jack Ryan?  I’ll tell you where.  He’s in the cellar of his New England home, crying his eyes out over having been clumsily represented by Ben Afleck in “The Sum of All Fears,” a completely inept attempt to insert Jack Ryan into the War on Terror.  And here’s the problem: was this version of Jack Ryan a published analyst, did he push his family behind a tree and run at a car of gunmen, was he even in the right age bracket?  No.  None of the above.  Affleck’s Jack Ryan almost gets the  president killed, and he lets Morgan Freeman die in the process, a feat that was not even realized in “Deep Impact” when a giant meteor hit the earth.  Sure the terrorists get their comeuppance, but a president gets bombed, along with Baltimore’s football stadium, practically ruining their season and injuring about a dozen Raven fans.

   

Cover via Amazon

 

            So, with the world looking on and a surge in Afghanistan looming, I plead with everyone to wait for the media to act.  We need time, time enough for Tom Clancy to pump out a 500 pager in which Jack Ryan squashes terrorists on their own turf in an occupational campaign (two weeks), and then time enough to make a movie about it (three years).  We let the movie ferment for about awhile years, and then we surge for a victory that only the Ryanverse could predict.  While we wait we can cast a techno-savvy Jack Ryan who constantly streams satellite surveillance of the Statue of Liberty onto his blackberry.

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  1. AlmaG

    On December 4, 2009 at 6:12 am


    Wonderful review! and lovely pics too :)

  2. PhoenixRox

    On December 4, 2009 at 2:14 pm


    techno-savvy Jack Ryan? That would be so cool! LOL. I loved your style of writing. It is what separates u from the rest, very nice! Oh and sum of all fears is Awesome

  3. magicdarts

    On December 4, 2009 at 5:15 pm


    Nice one – Jack Ryan and Jack Bauer from 24 – then we’d get it sorted!

  4. Ruby Hawk

    On December 4, 2009 at 9:00 pm


    You are right, and it’s something I hadn’t thought about. Where are all the movies to encourage our guys who are giving their all to fight this war? I know they would appreciate it.

  5. LitWurst

    On December 5, 2009 at 12:10 am


    Yeah, in way of confession I may have been too hard on Sum of All Fears since I’ve only watched the second half of it, but from what I saw it didn’t stack up to the rest. I hope Affleck doesn’t take this personally. :)

    I think that if Jack Bauer could expand his realm of control a little bit so that he wasn’t operating out of LA all the time he could and Jack Ryan could probably pin down Chuck Norris on a good day.

    Just to clarify, this article is obviously very farcical, I don’t mean make light of the sacrifices being made by our soldiers, just entertain a little bit with something that we all think about anyway. I know movies aren’t why any of our guys are over there, but it would be nice to see some classy protagonist who embodied the ideal of what we’re trying to do.

  6. Steven West

    On December 5, 2009 at 10:45 am


    Throw in the group from Mission Impossible and the war will be over. Until that time comes, let’s get our troops out of this impossible war.

  7. Judi Eddy

    On December 5, 2009 at 11:23 am


    Hi there, I am Judi from the uk. I love harrison ford and think Jack Ryan could kick some ass out there.

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