In no way is this intended to be an all-inclusive list, it is just a very brief summary of some popular IT acronyms and slang that were used in the IT departments I used to work for, a long… long time ago. Times have possibly changed since then…

This also happens to be the PG-rated version, if humanity ever discovers that some IT professionals have mouths which are dirtier than those of most salty, old sailors–those sailors would be out of jobs. So, in places where I have inserted words like “flock”, it may become necessary-but not mandatory–to imagine a favorite expletive or two. For example: I strongly suggest you make like a sheepherder and get the flock out of here!

FIJFI-Flock It Just Flock It

Popular usage: Usually used as a cry of desperation, when something has gone so horribly wrong that there is little… to no hope in sight… to correct it.

Less than popular usage: As a way to encourage indifference in others.

Example of usage: One IT professional is in a server room alone because the primary server just crashed, there is no backup, all the hard drives are dead, and small rodents have eaten through the electrical cables. This server also needs to be available 24/7. It is entirely possible that this person may then say, “FIJFI!” in this situation.

RTFM -Read The Flockin’ Manual

Popular usage: Normally used as an expression of disgust and disappointment with the presence of another IT professional who just asked a question that was answered in the flockin’ manual, for whatever technology that is being discussed–which they should have read already.

Less than popular usage: Currently unavailable, page cannot be displayed.

Example of usage: “RTFM will you!”

STFU -Shut The Flock Up

Popular usage: An expression of surprise or disbelief.

Less than popular usage: To silence unruly IT professionals, usually those that should have RTFM.

Example of usage: IT professional one says, “They just discovered life on Uranus!” IT professional two says, “STFU!”

WTF -What The Flock

Popular usage: Expression of surprise or disbelief, similar to, but not identical to STFU.

Less than popular usage: As a question, when someone encounters a situation they cannot readily explain but can justify in doing.

Example of usage: One IT professional walks over to another IT professional’s work area and takes that person’s lunch. IT professional one says, “Hey, WTF?” to justify the taking of the lunch and IT professional two says, “Hey, WTF!” when they return to their work area and are surprised to find their lunch is gone.

St. Arvin -

Popular usage: As a way to describe a situation in which one experiences terrible hunger or lack of nourishment.

Less than popular usage: The patron saint of those who suffer from starvation.

Example of usage: “Bob, I’m being seriously hounded by St. Arvin and he won’t leave me alone. Hey, WTF! Where is your lunch?”

BFH – Bah Flocking Humbug

Popular usage: To show indifference and/or belittle the accomplishments of another IT professional.

Less than popular usage: To express distaste around the holiday season.

Example of usage: IT professional one says, “I just spent 37 hours straight getting the web server up and running.” and IT professional two responds with, “BFH! Last week, I spent 40 hours straight implanting a radio transmitter in a goat’s head just so it can change the channels on the TV.”

Disrispectin -

Popular usage: The identification of the act of being disrespectful.

Less than popular usage: As a foot-fungus eliminator.

Example of usage: “Are you disrispectin? Why are you disrispectin? Oh no you didn’t! Didn’t yo momma teach you to not go around disrispectin people?”

Mentee -

Popular usage: A person who is mentored/schooled by another IT professional; usually a term of belittlement.

Less than popular usage: A near-relative of the manatee.

Example of usage: One IT professional cries, “FIJFI!” after being unable to solve a significantly difficult problem in less than five business days. Another IT professional then solves the same problem in less than five minutes and says the following to the other IT professional, “Ahh, you’re such a cute little mentee… is daddy’s little mentee gonna cry?”

No-ply Zone -

Popular usage: It is a known fact that most businesses only provide 1-ply toilet tissue for their employees. The point at which there is no toilet tissue and the ensuing frustration associated therewith is referred to as the No-ply Zone.

Less than popular usage: Area commonly mistaken with the No-fly Zone.

Example of usage: Two IT professionals witness a third IT professional break-down after being unable to solve a dynamic DNS problem. One IT professional then says to the other, “I think Bob just entered the No-ply Zone.”

DIAF – Die In AFire

Popular usage: As something you want someone to do, or to show compassion for someone who just entered the No-ply Zone.

Less than popular usage: As a way to get out of a job.

Example of usage: “Why don’t you go DIAF!” or “Bob, we like you; we really don’t want you to DIAF.”

Decrapitation -

Popular usage: The act of having all ties to one’s figurative crap violently severed; a terrible example of menteeism.

Less than popular usage: A quite literal reference to one’s crap being violently severed.

Example of usage: “Wow! Bob just gave that new employee a full keg of decrapitation! That dude got royally decrapitated!”

Grenade Jumpers “R” Us -

Popular usage: Familial reference for the IT Department and its personnel; those who drop everything they’re doing to resolve crisis situations so that the business process may continue.

Less than popular usage: A large retail store chain with a key competitor in the toy industry.

Example of usage: Sign spotted outside of IT Department.

Shenaniganin -

Popular usage: The actions of someone engaged in shenanigans; general, unwelcome pranks and other irritating behaviors.

Less than popular usage: As the name of a dance club or eating establishment.

Example of usage: “Will you please stop shenaniganin around! It’s just not funny anymore!”

De-jewelled -

Popular usage: The figurative castration of another individual.

Less than popular usage: The literal castration of animals; specifically, domesticated pets.

Example of usage: “I heard they took Bob to HR and had him de-jewelled for the decrapitation he gave that new employee.”

Holy Roller -

Popular usage: Reference to someone in the IT Department with a strong religious affinity.

Less than popular usage: Reference to someone in the IT Department with a strong gambling affinity.

Example of usage: “Stop using the Lord’s name in vain! You know Bob’s a holy roller!”

AFAIK – As Far As IKnow

Popular usage: Used when absolute certainty is unavailable or one’s recollection is poor.

Less than popular usage: As a way to mitigate risk.

Example of usage: “I have reason to believe that Bob has provided you with information that is radically different from the truth, AFAIK.”

Tihsllub -

Popular usage: Expression of disbelief or a perfectly good argument against information that may be radically different from the truth; a challenge of said information.

Less than popular usage: Clear identification of the solid waste that emanates from the male cow.

Example of usage: One IT professional says to another, “I bet I can finish coding this program before Bob finds out we’re 3 months behind.” and the other IT professional appropriately responds with, “Tihsllub!” with a strong emphasis on the letter B.

Dougilitis -

Popular usage: A horrible illness which affects one in every ten IT professionals, at any given time, which causes one to speak in technical terminology that only one understands and causes others that may be around, at the time, to become highly irritable.

Less than popular usage: None available, cannot compute.

Example of usage: After receiving a non-sensical email, one IT professional says, “I seriously think Bob may have contracted Dougilitis.”

Douglish -

Popular usage: The language used by those that have, or are suspected to have, Dougilitis.

Less than popular usage: As an adjective to describe certain words or phrases that may have emanated from someone believed to be suffering from Dougilitis.

Example of usage: One IT professional yells out in cubeland, “Hey! Did you guys get this email from Bob? Is it just me, or is it written in Douglish?”

Douglagram -

Popular usage: Any written communication that is believed to be written in Douglish, by someone suffering from Dougilitis. Most common form seems to be email.

Less than popular usage: An impromptu song and dance routine that makes absolutely no sense to anyone but the perpetrator.

Example of usage: After trying to read and comprehend an email, the IT professional says to himself/herself, “WTF! Another Douglagram from Bob!”

Zabmuud -

Popular usage: Term used to describe someone whose actions demonstrate a temporary, semi-permanent, or permanent lack of mental acuity.

Less than popular usage: The lack of mental acuity in one’s junk that is forever located in their trunk.

Example of usage: One IT professional screams out, “Bob is such a zabmuud! I can’t believe he honestly thinks we understand his Douglagrams.”

Wienous -

Popular usage: Exclamation regarding something that does not agree with one’s person and is a cause of significant irritation.

Less than popular usage: Inappropriate reference to the male procreative organ.

Example of usage: “WTF! Bob just cancelled my vacation! This bites the big wienous!”

Twan -

Popular usage: Colloquial reference, used to belittle a person with a penchant for the dramatic.

Less than popular usage: Name highlighted in the “What to Name Your Baby” book with the label: Do Not Use.

Example of usage: One IT professional is expounding on why their life sucks the big wienous because their lunch just got stolen, as another IT professional walks by, it is then appropriate for that IT professional to respond with, “Don’t get mad Twan! Don’t get mad!”

Superstank -

Popular usage: An IT professional that exhibits or releases an unusually strong and putrid odor.

Less than popular usage: A lesser known comic-book hero/heroine.

Example of usage: Shortly after lunch, Bob releases a cloud of rotten stank from his anal cavity that permeates the communal atmosphere of three other IT professionals… who then yell in unison, “Superstank! Run for your lives!”

FUBAR – Flocked Up Beyond All Recognition

Popular usage: The sudden realization that all might be lost.

Less than popular usage: As a name for an adult drinking establishment.

Example of usage: After opening up a PC, an IT professional quickly realizes that the moist dust-bunnies which reside within actually led to the PC’s demise… he or she may then say, “This damn thing is FUBAR.”

Burlap Sax -

Popular usage: Used to describe an IT professional with amazing courage and wherewithal.

Less than popular usage: As a name for a Jazz ensemble.

Example of usage: “Look at Bob! You’d think he has a pair of burlap sax on him!”

YAFI – You’re AFlocking Idiot

Popular usage: As a way to question someone’s mental acuity and insult them appropriately.

Less than popular usage: Periodically confused with Yani, the musical artist.

Example of usage: After witnessing one IT professional almost electrocute himself, the witness said, “YAFI aren’t you?”

Za-Taf -

Popular usage: Commonly used term to label someone with a lot of junk in their trunk, whose aforementioned junk causes irreparable damage to the office-building infrastructure.

Less than popular usage: As a laxative or some sort of diuretic.

Example of usage: “That za-taf just broke our conference room table and projector in one fell swoop!”

Caspoop -

Popular usage: A way to describe someone whose actions lead people to infer that their mental acuity resembles a small bag, conveniently filled with poo.

Less than popular usage: Solid, ectoplasmic waste-matter as left behind by Casper the Friendly Ghost or one of his companions.

Example of usage: “Damnit caspoop! How many times do I have to tell you to stay away from my desk?”

Rekon Rejekt -

Popular usage: Term reserved for one who is un-skilled in the art of reconnaissance or just generally fails in the endeavor to conduct research.

Less than popular usage: As a name for a hard-rock band.

Example of usage: One IT professional says to another, “Do you think we can send Bob to that meeting to find out what’s going on?” and the other IT professional responds with, “WTF! Caspoop, you know Bob’s a Rekon Rejekt!”

Proto-user -

Popular usage: Brief description of the primordial computer user, one that is far from the evolutionary tree and has yet to master the finite complexities of the On/Off button… let alone the use of advanced tools like rocks and sharp sticks.

Less than popular usage: Sometimes mistaken for evolved organisms, like protozoa.

Example of usage: After receiving a call on the IT Department’s emergency line, the IT professional that took the call turns to the others and says, “You guys are not gonna believe this! This proto-user actually thought there was something wrong with the coffee-cup holder in their PC!”

Propagand -

Popular usage: The act of disseminating information which favors one’s position or argument, no matter how questionable it may be.

Less than popular usage: What the marketing department is supposed to do.

Example of usage: “There goes Bob, off to propagand for old equipment and lower raises.”

Alzeimerspam -

Popular usage: This term is reserved for email spam that one receives because one so happened to sign up for it, and then… forgot that one signed up for it, hence at least temporarily to permanently causing one to convince oneself that one is being sent spam.

Less than popular usage: Often times mistaken for a mystery meat product in a tin can.

Example of usage: “Where is all this spam coming from? Wait a second… this could be alzeimerspam. WTF!”

Snapper Dappers -

Popular usage: A terrible insult, inflicted only on those IT professionals for whom lesser insults would seem as compliments. Usually a group insult, hence the plurality. Its actual meaning can only be partially described by the most horrible parts of one’s imagination.

Less than popular usage: As a clothing line for small, disrespectful children.

Example of usage: “Get a load of these snapper dappers!”

Balaca -

Popular usage: Similar to “tishllub” in that its usage expresses disbelief and can be used to argue against information that is radically different from the truth, only more forcefully.

Less than popular usage: Clear identification of any solid waste that emanates from any creature whatsoever.

Example of usage: “If Bob gets any more full of balaca he’ll be a walking caspoop!”

Pinchebean -

Popular usage: Insult reserved for senior management types, specifically identifies short-sightedness and a remotely identifiable amount of brain matter.

Less than popular usage: A cousin to the common lima bean and other large plant seeds.

Example of usage: “Pinchebean! If he gets any more short-sighted he’ll be completely blind!”

Indignant -

Popular usage: Someone in a current state that is not dignified or respectable.

Less than popular usage: At times mistaken for someone who greatly fancies the color indigo.

Example of usage: “Why do you have to be so indignant? YAFI!”

PSO – Paid Space Occupier

Popular usage: A term of derision for a person or employee that produces no real work product and just takes up space, consumes oxygen, and/or generally gets in the way.

Less than popular usage: Rarely used for someone who pays the rent on time and occupies the aforementioned space.

Example of usage: A few IT professionals are walking around cubeland when one exclaims, “Don’t trip on the PSO, you could hurt yourself!”

POE – Point Of Entry

Popular usage: The designated point at which something or someone is immensely vulnerable or susceptible to invasion or ridicule. Often an IT professional’s greatest weakness, which normally incorporates his or her maternal entity.

Less than popular usage: An American poet of some acclaim.

Example of usage: Two IT professionals are plotting against another when one says, “Listen to me! Bob’s mom is his POE! Use her to your advantage.”

COC Fraggers – Chain Of Command Fraggers

Popular usage: A specialized unit of IT professionals, who exhibit expertise in liberating upper management types from their respective positions.

Less than popular usage: Term reserved for people that castrate others.

Example of usage: During the initiation of a new IT employee, another IT professional says, “If you wanna be a COC Fragger, you’re gonna have to pay the piper just like everybody else!”

Meganomics -

Popular usage: The delicate science of attempting to get a company to pay overtime for hourly employees, that are needed in the IT Department for work on one or fewer weekends, which normally results in more time, money, and effort being spent to get this to happen in the first place in comparison to the amount those hourly employees will actually work and be paid.

Less than popular usage: Sometimes confused with Reaganomics or Trickle-Down Economics.

Example of usage: “If our senior managers did not believe so strongly in Meganomics, this project would be done by now! Bunch of snapper dappers!”

De-Obligated -

Popular usage: The past form of someone having had something taken from them, by another, who then tries to make it look like they were done a favor.

Less than popular usage: On rare occasions, this word is actually misused to prove to someone that it really was not that bad.

Example of usage: Upon witnessing that a fellow IT professional just got demoted, less pay, and more work, but was allowed to keep their job… the witness could say, “What did it feel like to get de-obligated in prison?”

EOH – Equal Opportunity Hater

Popular usage: Used to describe someone who does not discriminate, this person does in fact hate everyone equally and ridicules them as such.

Less than popular usage: Some dyslexic people mistake this acronym for HOE.

Example of usage: One IT professional, is explaining to another, that he or she does not actually ridicule them disproportionately, “I don’t discriminate, I hate everybody equally, and someday… you could be an EOH just like me.”

Offendivish -

Popular usage: A person who employs the constant habit of being offensive towards others.

Less than popular usage: Some people say this is a type of casserole that is baked in a dish.

Example of usage: “If Bob weren’t so offendivish, people would actually have some respect for him.”

Zastar -

Popular usage: A rodent’s posterior, preferably that of a rat’s. An expression of disapproval and indifference.

Less than popular usage: Word used to identify a yet to be discovered celestial object.

Example of usage: “I could give a zastar! Get back to work and quit your shenaniganin!”

TRTP – The Reigning Tower of Power

Popular usage: A jovial nickname for someone who is vertically challenged, but continuously exhibits much gravitas or authoritative force.

Less than popular usage: A wrestler that just never made it.

Example of usage: Response to an IT professional that has recently rebelled against authority, “Do you really want TRTP to de-obligate you of your lunch?”

Spufi -

Popular usage: Word used to describe an IT problem that has no real or readily identifiable cause.

Less than popular usage: Periodically mistaken for a form of sherbet, ice cream, frozen custard, or any other cold and delicious treat.

Example of usage: One IT professional observes another struggling and says, “Right about now, I bet you’re wishing you could pass the spufi.”

Zayzal -

Popular usage: To define an individual that produces little to no identifiable work product. Many senior managers fall prey to this definition.

Less than popular usage: As some sort of generic laxative.

Example of usage: Two IT professionals are having some sort of imaginary lunch conversation when one says, “Have you ever noticed that Bob is a real zayzal?”

Ubermenches und Uberwenches -

Popular usage: To describe the population of proto-users at-large, usually in a negative or less than flattering fashion.

Less than popular usage: As part of a beginner’s course in some Germanic language.

Example of usage: An IT professional is walking through cubeland when she comes to a stark realization and says, “WTF! I’m completely surrounded by ubermenches und uberwenches.”

WHFO – When Hell Freezes Over

Popular usage: Most commonly used as a highly appropriate, project completion date for a project that has absolutely no chance for success.

Less than popular usage: Mistaken at times for the World Health Organization.

Example of usage: Next to “Estimated Completion Date” for the “Bringing About World Peace Through Technology Project” Bob writes down WHFO.

Kleptocracy -

Popular usage: To categorize a business environment where rampant thievery is prevalent and those responsible for preventing such actions and running said business environment are thieves themselves.

Less than popular usage: As a way to describe a relatively stable dictatorship.

Example of usage: After locking his lunch in a file cabinet, the IT professional says to himself, “If this flockin place were not a kleptocracy, I’d be able to leave my lunch on my desk.”

Favoritize -

Popular usage: The act of making any given website a favorite or bookmark in one’s Internet browser, often a website of ill-repute.

Less than popular usage: Some odd way of doing someone a favor.

Example of usage: The head of the IT Department addresses a group of IT professionals and says, “I just got a call from Network Security, apparently Bob just favoritized a porn site.”

Flusterclock -

Popular usage: Equivalent to Clusterflock in other IT departments; this is when several significant variables converge to cause one massive catastrophe that is usually indistinguishable from Armageddon.

Less than popular usage: As a type of cuckoo clock.

Example of usage: A water pipe that runs over a data-center bursts, thereby causing significant damage to the data-center. When the plumbers arrive, they find the charred remains of all the IT professionals that did not make it out in time. One plumber then says to another, “This is one big flusterclock!”

BOC – Big Orange Cord

Popular usage: As a contingency plan when all nearby electrical sources have failed; at times, it becomes necessary to run a fifty-foot plus extension cord from a working electrical outlet to the data-center, to keep critical equipment running… like the microwave or the deep-fryer.

Less than popular usage: Page cannot be displayed – Error 500 Internal Server Error.

Example of usage: One proto-user asks another, “What do those IT guys mean when they run around saying we’re running on the BOC? It must be something serious because I saw this long, orange cable running from the data-center to the staff break room.”

Sesquipedelian -

Popular usage: To properly label someone who uses very long and complex words in the Douglish language.

Less than popular usage: Taxonomic nomenclature for a lesser form of Sasquatch, previously identified by scientists as mini-Sasquatch.

Example of usage: After receiving a phone call from one IT professional, the unfortunate recipient of the call says the following to another, “Do you ever get the feeling that Bob might be a Sesquipedelian?”

PITA – Pain In The Arse

Popular usage: As a simple, yet effective way to describe something or someone that causes one’s cheeks to instantly clench due to the fear of impending damage.

Less than popular usage: As a form of mostly unleavened bread which can be utilized to hold some sort of meat and/or vegetarian product.

Example of usage: After RTFM, one IT professional says to another, “The upgrade that Microshaft just put out is a real PITA!”

Behooves -

Popular usage: The more appropriate way to inform someone of impending harm to their bodily person, should they continue to act or speak in an unpleasant manner.

Less than popular usage: A genetically-modified beehive constructed by bees with hooves.

Example of usage: One IT professional double-backs to his cube to find another IT professional there and says, “It behooves you to put my lunch down and step away from the cube!”

Hoariflockinbul -

Popular usage: Term used when one comes across a sight so devastating and disheartening that only such a word can properly describe its magnitude.

Less than popular usage: As a name for a Broadway musical.

Example of usage: IT professional one, “Remember that time when we lost half the IT staff to that flood/electrocution phenomenon in the data-center?” IT professional two, “Yeah, it was hoariflockinbul!”