International English

International English

The English language is constant source of amusement for me as I live alongside some very colourful people from a variety of different countries. So, why is this amusing? Well, fortunately for me, English is the language that is most widely spoken in order for other nations to communicate. Hoorah! Consequently, as English is my native tongue, I regularly hear some real howlers on my little island paradise in the Gulf of Thailand. Now please do not think for a minute that I am trying to ridicule other folks from other countries who are doing a marvellous job of speaking my language, whereas I sadly cannot speak theirs. No, on the contrary, I am completely in awe of anyone who speaks another language. I find it simply amazing. We would just not be ble to communicate if they didn’t. Simple as that. So, I am not ridiculing, but I do want to share some priceless moments with you……

The Ice Breaker

A few years ago, when bird flu was the hot topic, especially if you lived in South East Asia, I was having a small party which involved large quantities of gin. It was the first one of the year and there were a few new people there who we had just met and thus, as it was early evening, the conversation remained polite.

The question is asked “Does anyone know whether there has been any cases of bird flu reported on the island yet?”

Daniel, lovely gay Dutch man who speaks beautiful and oh so accurate English, replies ”No, there are no cases of bird flu at all on the island. I was reading in the Bangkok Post….. all the cocks on the island are clean and healthy”.

Stunned silence. It’s one of those moments when you just don’t know how to react. We don’t all know each other that well at this point, but this is just too good to pass over. I can feel a balloon of hilarity building inside my rib cage. I look around at our group to see if I can see anything similar happening with them. Yes…. there it is…..they’ve all clocked it….. can they hold….can they…. Nooooo!

Angelica (German) is first in with a beauty, “Bloody hell Daniel! Wish you’d told me before….. I’m going home tomorrow!”

Ahahah! Many people falling on the floor in crumpled heaps of laughter. More gin then?! Oh how we bonded over Daniel’s clean and healthy cock story, which incidentally has now been told at many dinner parties around the world. Daniel had the good grace and humour to be delighted with his faux pa and is always keen for someone to relate the story in his presence!