International English

I sit down next to the Irish guy. “Hi,” I say “how are you?” He replies (I think)…a sentence of something or other, not sure. I turn back to the others….”He’s not speaking English.” I tell them confidently. Large hilarity break out. “He is! You not understand him either? He speak same language as you!! Ahahah!” OK, I try again. I turn back to the man, he’s looking at me and he knows. He knows we are speaking the same language, he knows what I’m saying, he knows I haven’t got a clue what he’s saying, and he knows that no one in the bar knows what he’s saying either. The poor sod.

Right. Concentrate. Ask him to speak more slowly…. people are always asking me to do that….. mind you, they don’t speak English. Never mind. “Please speak slowly”. Right we’re getting somewhere. His name is ……….yes….it’s Paddy. No, really, it’s true! Paddy from Cork. Paddy from Cork after twelve Mekong (Thai whisky) Cokes. Twelve! 70% proof. Oh for god’s sake. What chance do you really have? That explains it. Is it my fault he’s incoherent?

For a moment I was in the twilight zone. How do you explain to five non-native English speakers who are falling about all over the place with laughter, that you can’t communicate with someone who speaks the same language? Thank God he was drunk, because I do wonder whether I would have been able to understand him anyway. It was a very strong brogue. Paddy stayed around for a week or two, so we managed to develop a form of English that we could all understand. Well, mostly… sort of…..yeah.

So, our rich language. A great source of national and international confusion. Providing an unlimited source of pure laughter. I can amuse myself for hours pondering and playing with words, listening to others, reading other peoples offerings.

The conclusion I have come to is that I don’t have enough time in this lifetime to master another language as I am having far too much fun with this one!