Lost in Translation: A Step Down “Engrish” Lane

Point 2 (i) raises a plethora of questions.  Why is it that the meter will not work when moon-walking with sandals? Will it work OK if I moon-walk in sneakers or gum boots? The thing that interests me the most is why they felt it warranted to warn me of this. Were they once sued by some freak that thought he had walked 1,000,000 steps only to find a big fat zero on his meter because he moon-walked all the way? I guess this is possible, for I once saw on the TV a strange rolling guru who once stood in the same spot for 7 years and only ate grass for that entire time – when he wasn’t standing in the same place eating grass he was rolling, and I think he holds the record for such. He lives a very useful life. I guess relative to that, a moon-walking idiot would seem quite the normal person.

Referring to point 2 (ii), there is the worry of the stepping motor not working if walking in the tricky condition. I am not entirely sure what the tricky condition is – if I were not politically correct I could probably suggest various human impairments this could relate to. I am politically correct however, so of course I would never suggest such a thing. I might instead ask the question of why can’t a person use the stepping meter when walking through a dairy cattle yard covered in slimy slippery manure – a very tricky condition. Surely the dairy farmer has a right to know how many steps he has stepped in a day? I am sure the farmer would feel a whole lot happier with himself going home and telling his family “Sheeez – I walked my butt off today – 15,000 steps!” The farmer’s devoted kids would exclaim in doey-eyed devotion “wow dad, you’re so amazing, and you’re our hero”. I guess if that farmer wishes such adoration, then he will need to find himself a different brand of stepping motor – one that allows a person to walk in the tricky condition and still feel a sense of accomplishment.

Point 2 (iii) is not so much of a problem, but I must wonder why the meter will work if you vibrate while walking. It’s not often you see people vibrating down the street, but I guess if you ever want to do so, you can be rest assured that you can do it and still have your steps counted with this little wonder of modern science.