“We’re pregnant“

No, we aren’t pregnant…..she is pregnant. Last time I checked my anatomy book, men can’t get pregnant. If women are honest, no woman really wants to hear a man say this phrase. The woman is the one with morning sickness, swollen feet, stretch marks, and “we” didn’t go through hours of labor pains- she did!

“Bro”

It sounds so stupid for two grown men to have a conversation where every five minutes they slap each other on the back and chuckle “bro!” If all the buddies and complete strangers that they call “bro” are actually their brothers, then they have had some busy parents.

“Cunt”

Women are especially bad to use this derogatory term as the ultimate insult to another woman. They act as if saying cunt instead of other synonyms makes it sound more lady like.

“Pig” or “Pigs”

Unless someone is talking about cute little pink Wilber, this word makes my skin crawl. I have a friend that I will not longer speak to after he called a blind date a “big fat pig.” It also makes my blood boil to hear rap music or see a movie where someone calls a law officer a pig. These are the people that may save your life one day or keep the drug dealer from selling your kid drugs and you are going to degrade them to a sloth animal?

“Retard” or “Retarded”

There are real people with real developmental disabilities, that are actually mentally retarded. However, this word has been so abundantly used as a verbal insult, that most people cringe when actually using it in proper context.

“Like”

Used sparingly and to actually contrast two similar things this is a great word. Thanks to the teenagers everywhere, this has become one of the most trite and galling words if you’re passed puberty.

“Irregardless”

Okay people, top secret info here……this is not a word. Regardless, I included it because of it’s common usage.

“Pimp” or “pimping”

Do men really view this word as an admirable trait? They seem to love calling each other pimps or proudly proclaim that a friend is “big pimping.” Aside from the fact that a pimp is a man that prostitutes women, I wonder if many of these young men realize that the actual definition of “pimping” is: “weak” or “of little significance?”

“Often”

Simply because most people don’t pronounce it correctly. In an attempt to be exude properness, they actually mutilate the word. It is not o- f- t- e- n. Lis(t)en, there are some words that the “t” is silent.

“Fair and balanced”

Nothing in life is fair and few things are balanced. This saying had to be conjured up by some guy while his chef prepared his crème brulee, personal assistant dealt with life, and personal massage therapist kneaded his ego.

“Tax relief”

Yeah right…whatever genius put these two words together must have been related to Al Capone.

“Acting out”

Just call a spade a spade. If your kid is race tracking across a store, knocking clothes racks down, and then throws himself to the floor in a screaming tantrum…. don’t say “oh, he is just acting out.” That is called a tantrum.

“alot”

Again, not a word. This is one of the most commonly used words. A lot of people use it. Yet, it’s not even a word.

“Gaydar”

How did this word make it in the dictionary? A gay radar for gays. Next they will add ho’dar, bro’dar, dike’dar. Come on Webster!

“How are you?”

People that ask this question never want a detailed answer or really anything more than “fine” or “good.” People answering the question feel obligated to say “fine,” even if they just got diagnosed with cancer.

“Rationalize” or “Downsize”

Do employers really think substituting a buzzword for “you’re fired” is going to make anyone feel better about hitting the unemployment line?

“So”

I once counted the “so’s” my niece used while telling me about a typical day at school. It was a staggering 50 times. This is my oratory vice as well, though. I am so guilty of overusing this word!

“Absolutely”

Really…. how many things are you absolute about? Yet, people say it casually all the time. The word is supposed to be used to convey a strong emphasis. Strong emphasis is not needed if someone asks you if you want a hamburger.

“Beat it.”

Go away sounds less perverted and can not be confused with any illicit activities.

“Went missing”

Is “missing” a place one can go?

“No idea is a bad idea.”

The person that coined this phrase obviously never heard of war, cheating, suicide, serial killers, etc..

“Hot”

We can all thank Paris Hilton for ruining this perfectly good word. When someone says “that’s hot,” I would love to scream “don’t touch it then.”

“It is what it is.”

Yes. Of course it is what it is. What else would it be?

“PIN number”

I am too busy for redundancy. PIN number translation: Personal Identification Number number.

“ATM machine”

Automatic Teller Machine machine. Redundancy at it’s best- “put your PIN number into the ATM machine”

“Born again virgin”

This isn’t one of those things you can say oops…redo! It is impossible to be a born again anything. Everyone is born once.

“What would Jesus do?”

Only Jesus know the answer to that question, so why ask it?

“It’s not you, it’s me.”

Even a person with tree bark for brain matter is not going to believe this phrase. Somehow, it survives.

“Veep”

This is such a pathetic word to describe the vice president of the United States. It sounds like something Little Bo Peep vomited, not a descriptive term for the second most powerful man of a country.