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Mother and Son Dynamics in Learning

Some dynamics mentioned between mother and son for an immigrant family.

A mother is worried about her son’s performance at school. He does his homework she says but fails his examinations at the same time he says that there is no need to study. I was wondering how easy it must be to pull the wool over her eyes when it comes to believing children all of the time. This is not to say that her son is badly behaved but he has a learning problem that has just recently surfaced, you see she had been asking him all along about how he was doing and the boy would either be quiet or not answer. In the meantime he feigned knowledge of his material based on his class activity but his grades would not match. That happened until he finally admitted that he had some trouble understanding his French and Math taught in French. He is a son to new Canadians who have come from Southern Asia.

The mother is suffering from depression. She does not fell good about herself and has had difficulty leaving the house. Matters are complicated because she is in Canada with speaking wither French or English well. I don’t know how she got admitted then. Her neighbors have difficulty understanding her and that means she has little to communicate to them and practice one or the other language. She has taken courses at community centers and still needs improvement but she needs to go after people and initiate some kind of conversation just as she did with me, but she has to go back to classes to make herself more understandable. She has no job and is now on welfare. Her thoughts turn to guilt when she thinks of staying at home not working and wanting to offer her son a chance at making something for himself. At the same time the son broods at home when approached about doing the extra work and getting better marks.

The son’s performance is linked to the mother’s sense of self-worth. She has to get a job to feel better about herself and that will be transmitted to her son so his performance will improve. The son is most likely keenly aware of his Mom’s performance and after a discussion with her, I told her to get a job. Staying on welfare is no way to encourage her son to apply himself more in his studies. Naturally the lack of language is against her but she made her choice to come to a new country and now has to adapt to the languages used. I suppose she is comparing her difficulties to what she had before emigrating and sees that despite the hardships her choice of leaving her crowded birthplace where the infant mortality rate is so much higher, is a better one.

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  1. jhenz

    On January 29, 2009 at 12:09 am


    in order for somebody to help you, you MUST help yourself first at all costs. i know it’s difficult to adjust in new environments, but i belive that as humans, we are much equipped to handle the adjustments that are needed in coping with the changes.

    i just hope that your friend and his son will find ways that seem effective for them to cope with their challenges. :)

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