Quip!

What would the world come to if we didn’t have those one-liners? You get up all bleary eyed from either one of the wrong sides of the bed and it hits you – ” The amount of sleep needed by the average person is ten minutes more.” You can’t agree more. And as you contemplate on what to do with your day, it strikes you again – “The trouble with work is, it’s so… daily”.

There you go! Those unformatted thoughts in your dull dreary mind have already found their way into somebody’s quotable quotes making your task easier and your day merrier. Which is why I ask, what would our world come to if it were not for those remarkable words between inverted commas?

For most of the email savvy community the quote has become an “in each other’s pocket” part of the signature. In most cases, it is the lifesaver of an otherwise tiring assemblage of expressions and statistics. Which is why I end most of my mails with the quote – “When nothing is sure, everything is possible”.

This pulls off a dual purpose. One, as in most cases, the reader is at his/hers wit’s end to grasp the contents of my mail. The quote at the bottom accentuates on the different possibilities. Redeeming me by putting the thought in their respective confused heads that I might have possibly written something meaningful. Two, it just might inspire them with a totally different problem.

So, if you are gregarious enough to accept my advice, go for those quotes that have something in it for you. If it’s for that lovely lass you’ve been trying to impress for oh-so-long-a-time time, finish your forwarded mail (I am assuming that you don’t have the nerve to send a personal mail) with a smart pick up quip. “All I’m saying is that somewhere out there is the man you are supposed to marry. And if you don’t get him first, somebody else will, and you’ll have to spend the rest of your life knowing that somebody else is married to your husband.” Marie, When Harry met Sally. I assure you it has worked every time. The girl to whom I send that quip goes and gets her man. And mostly, read always, it is not I. But I continue with my quotes because, “What you can’t have, you can’t resist.” My time will come. “All the early bird gets is a worm!”

Daffy definitions are congenial cousins of the quotable quote. I sent this information about higher studies to my own cousin who was on the threshold of entering a college at that time. “Universities are places of knowledge. The freshmen each bring a little in with them, and the seniors don’t take any away, so knowledge accumulates.” And to those Homo sapient who assume that they are hip and happening, “Fashion: That which, while not necessarily beautiful, makes all that preceded it look silly.”

This way I get to retain whatever silly attire I choose for that day. I once tried cheering two of my friends who were about to marry to each other, into the world of quotes. I sent them one quote a day on marriage. “Marriage is an institution. But who wants to be in an institution?” and other quotes to the same effect. However, for reasons unknown, they didn’t think much of the idea. You know, “For each action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.” Maybe I should have stopped after sending, “May you live 100 years, with one extra year to repent.” “May you have the hindsight to know where you’ve been, the foresight to know where you’re going and the insight to know when you’re going too far.” is not for me.

And over the years, I’ve started quipping so much that even my personal thoughts are one smart quip after another. I have this friend of mine who has taken to shotgun jeans and heavy metal music. Now, “I don’t believe we ever need to change friends, as long as we understand that friends change.” is what I think. Too much of those word-waves and I catch myself with “I just got lost in thought… It was unfamiliar territory.” To that annoying yet smart chap whose work is always more sophisticated than mine “Professionals built the Titanic, amateurs built the Ark.” To that down in the drain chap “You are unique, just like everybody else”. Although he never said it verbatim I attribute this to my boss “I am not telling that you are wrong. All I am saying is that I am going to blame you.”

To bamboozle somebody just for the heck of it “This message was sent to you via email in much the same way bricks aren’t.” To that bloke who pulls a fast one “He who laughs last, thinks slowest.” And when caught in the act “To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.” This is research. To the test engineer, after he finds a bug in my code “Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.” And the ones with a play of words “Grammatically speaking, I find my past perfect, present continuous and future tense.” This I use on anybody who quotes Nietzsche.

So when somebody tries one of those fancy meaningful quotes, tell that smart alec you are having “Deja Moo: The feeling that you’ve heard this bull before.” Seize the situation.