Speaking in Tongues

Ever since my new relationship nearly foundered on the rocks of misunderstanding I have been aware of the mix-ups and mischief that can be caused by the near-misses of communication in another language. In some cases it is much less dangerous to be completely wrong in your attempt to speak a foreign language than to be almost correct.

Take for example my now-husband. In the earliest days of our romance we were lazing about on the golden sands of Koh Samet in Thailand. Being close to Bangkok, Koh Samet is a haven for bar girls and whether they came down to escape from the city for a few days or were brought there by their short-term boyfriends there were often a few unattached bar girls floating about vying for the unattached males.

As the sun set one evening a pretty girl was making herself noticable by twining herself round the supporting pole of the ramshackle bamboo structure of the bar and removing her bra. While I pondered on the liklihood of her bid for attention ending in amusing disaster should the bar splinter to pieces under her weight she pouted and demanded from every man in the place, “Am I not pretty? Am I not FUN!”.

The men nodded eagerly or meekly depending on their character and I squinted sideways at my boyfriend to see how he was responding to the Bangkok Belle. He didn’t seem at all bothered by the girl’s antics so I ticked that mental box then we were off to the beach bungalow to tick a few more.

After chilling out in the beach bungalow for a bit we were deciding where to go next. In deplorable Franglish my boyfriend made the suggestion that we  go…”…to the happy whore.” It was only when he told me that he didn’t  undersatnd why I might not want to go to a place where the drinks were half price that I got it. Happy HOUR! Ahhhhh.

Similarly my husband did not understand the man who was pounding on the Arrivals desk at Charles de Gaulle and shouting in English, “I am so ANGRY!”

“Why doesn’t he go to MacDonald’s?” he asked me with a Gallic shrug.

Now living in Spain I see the same near-miss communication happening quite regularly. A mild-mannered Spanish friend was confronted by a large English resident who demanded “Where is the key?”.

Miguel squinted at the Brit and shrugged pointing at the ground, “Aqui?”

Looking at the ground, the Brit saw no key and thought Miguel didn’t understand. He did what many Brits Abroad do under such circumstances. He shouted louder. “The KEY!”

Miguel looked behind him. He looked to the front. “Aqui?” Again he pointed to the ground and waved his hands around to encompass where they stood. “Aqui?”

“KEEEYYYYYYY!” Bellowed the Brit, peppering the friendly Spaniard with spit in the process.

With a resounding thump, Miguel punched the Brit straight on the nose then stamped off muttering about damn foreigners. If the Englishman who had lived in the area for quite a few years had taken the time to learn a wee bit more Spanish he would have been aware of the similarity between the word for key and aqui (which means here in Spanish).

Short and funny sayings in Spanish