Worst Errors to Make When Speaking French
French is seen by many as the worlds most elegant, charming and sophisticated language; the sophisticated cultural brew fortifies this image yet with les faux amis and deceptive English cognates, things can get messy. Here are some mistakes not to be made:
Je suis pleine: likely to be met with a puzzled array of dinner guests – je suis pleine does not mean that you have eaten enough but rather that you are pregnant. Perpetrators of this common error are likely to bemuse others with an unnatural sincerity whilst announcing their pregnancy as if they were in fact saying something rather more banal. Dribbling dimwits ought not rectify this error as often leads to such timeless expressions as: “It doesn’t take much to get me pregnant (fill me up).”
Baisser/embrasser/baiser/embarrasser: The French have a custom of kissing or embracing their close friends. It is sailing exceptionally close to the wind to use the verb baiser for this purpose as it is more commonly known as the verb “to fuck,” an activity not yet widely participated in upon greeting friends and relatives.Should the luckless linguist manage to find the right words to express a more moderate interpersonal interaction, it is inadvisable to confuse it with embarrasser; any verbatim exchange between these two words and blushes will not be spared.
Préservatif – Not on my toast: By far the most absent minded cock-up to employ in any language. “Jam on toast,” “this jam is delicious,” “they were selling Jam at the fair,” the old ladies enjoyed making jam,” all make perfect, unaltered sense. So why not mutilate all remaining decency by mistranslating jam with préservatif, the French word for a condom – certainly not full of fruit.
Prendre/Draguer: When arranging transport, it is best to organise a time and a place to be picked up. This is all very simple for anyone with half a brain but what about those quarter-wits with a brain to sawdust ratio of 25:75? To pick someone up in a vehicle, use prendre and not draguer which means to pick (a woman) up. This mistake is likely to compound itself into comedy gold if said with a casual lack of awareness.
S’enticher/s’en ficher: For those gentlemen who would struggle to count their balls and come up with the same answer twice, finding a partner is likely to present its challenges. So far, the mistakes mentioned have involved slight emotions at most, now it gets really bizarre: s’enticher is the verb to fancy someone, whereas se ficher can be used in a familiar expression meaning not give a damn about something. It is honestly not good relationship advice to get these confused; neither is the following.
Prendre: “so where u taking me tonight then?” well “je vais te prendre à ….” Stop right there! This is most definitely more bend em ova than Casanova. Prendre in this case takes on the same meaning as baiser, see above, which is not to be confused with embrasser or even embarrasser, even though both these verbs may be later implicated.
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