Child Custody in Divorce Cases. Should You Make It a Fight?

Child custody factors are by far the most emotionally charged facets of any divorce situation. In no other subject do the selections made by you, by your wife or husband, or by the judge have a more lasting influence than those affecting the lives and future of your kids. When faced with complications of child custody in your divorce, you should consider the term “winning” and put that term in context. How do your goals interplay with what is in the best interest of your kids?

Before deciding whether to move with litigation or to negotiate a child custody settlement, you ought to have a sincere talk with your divorce attorney. You must first know that, unless your spouse is an actual risk to your children, they’re going to have a part to play in their lives. Barring reported occurrences of physical abuse, neglect or criminal activity, family court judges are not going to severely limit their involvement in your children’s lives.

It is ideal to make every effort to negotiate a custody and visitation schedule that both parties find to be fair. Even if you may not be entirely pleased with the arrangement, the fact that you are reasonable and versatile will be rewarding in long term dealings. Don’t forget, your divorce ends your marriage, not your dealings, and of course not your children’s dealings, with your wife or husband.

When a divorce is final, there are inevitably conditions that happen later that need to have cooperation with your ex-spouse. Bitter child custody fights can lead the parties to have much less of a chance to resolve those difficulties amicably. Right or wrong, judgments on issues such as appropriate courses of discipline, school conduct, and medical decisions can be clouded by feelings of resentment to a former husband or wife. Ex-spouses who have the feeling that you dealt reasonably with them in the child custody case are a lot more likely to voluntarily contribute for unexpected monetary burdens or extracurricular occasions.

Financially, you will be in a better position if you can negotiate a divorce settlement. A good divorce attorney is not defined by the cases where their clients “win”, but rather by the situations they can settle to everyone’s acceptance. Contested divorces, especially those dealing with child custody, are very expensive. Contested cases are also the most likely to be set for rehearing at a later date due to non-compliance by one party, or a difference on opinion regarding the interpretation of a Court’s orders. Those later matters will be an additional financial burden for you to bear. Parties who show a willingness to negotiate a settlement are far less likely to have future contested issues, and if they do, they tend to resolve them without court action.

Finally, you should consider your children’s needs and how they will perceive the court proceedings. Many parents tell their children that they are only fighting for them. Well, that may be true, but children are affected by their parents arguing, whether it is in the family living room or in the court room. How will your child feel later in life if you seek to limit their contact with the other parent? How will the other parent talk about you in front of your children when you’re not around? How will this affect your child? Children raised by two loving parents who show respect toward each other are proven to better ready for adulthood. And that should be the goal of every parent.

Attorney James Garrett is the founding member of the Virginia Beach, VA law firm Garrett Law Group, PLC. Please contact him if you need a Virginia Beach lawyer for divorce and child custody.