How to beat a speeding ticket.
The best way to beat one is NOT to get one, so we’ll deal with that first.
WHAT NOT TO DO:
1. Don’t act like a dick. If you act like a belligerent idiot, you will end up with a lot more than just a speeding ticket. More likely you will end up in jail with your car impounded!
2. Do not admit guilt. Say nothing, if possible. The cop can use your admission against you in court. Better to say nothing or act dumb (see below)
WHAT YOU MUST DO:
1. Say “yes Officer, no Officer” to everything. You want this over with – fast!
2. Act stupid. It helps, even cops don’t want to torture the stupid!
3. Act scared! As if the tickets means the end of your life! Again, cops waver at this point. They may not write it if they feel sorry for you.
4. Act ignorant about what you did. Even if they give you a ticket at least you didn’t admit you were speeding, which they will use in court against you later.
IF YOU GET A TICKET:
1. Don’t argue the situation out on the road – you will not win! You don’t want them to remember you when you do go to court. SAY NOTHING – then drive away.
2. Remember everything about the situation! How much traffic, the weather, which lane you were in. Write it down if you are too stoned to remember this stuff.
AFTER YOU GET THE TICKET/PRE-TRIAL PLEA OR APPEARANCE
1. Always plead ‘not guilty.’ This may be a pre-trial appearance, or you may be able to send in the ticket with ‘not guilty’ plea. Try to delay a pre-trial appearance if possible. There will be a specified date if you have to mail in the plea.
AS THE COURT DATE APPROACHES:
1. Very important. DELAY, DELAY, DELAY!!!!!! Keep putting off that court date! You don’t want to go to court! You want to make it so the cop thinks the case is so far in the past he’ll never remember anything. A small story: When John Hussar, the director of The Blur of Insanity went to college he got a speeding ticket (90 mph in a 55 mph zone) from a New York State Trooper. He successfully put off going to court for two and a half years (mainly by lying about going on various trips to Europe)!! When he final did show up in court he discovered that the Trooper had been transferred out of the area! The case was immediately dismissed!
The Lesson? The longer you wait the better chance the cop won’t show up!