Itzruss News: The Best News Stories of 2012 January Two

STICKNEY, ILLINOIS – How do you meet respectable people for love? This is one of the most common questions dear Abby was asked for years in her advice column. A male Police Officer, Mr. Chris C. gave a ticket for speeding to a Woman. In addition he decided to try to speed up some romance with her. The Woman is real mad and amazingly file a lawsuit about the whole thing. She wants to exercise her right to talk about this case loudly in court using the her rights ready to argue looking for a final ruling.

Itzruss News wonders, what went wrong for the Officer, Chris C.? He wrote a speeding ticket for $132 on October 22, 2011 to Evangelina P.  Then soon after, the Officer found her address in the data base and wrote a sticky note and put it on her car asking for a social encounter. Now she is doing the courting suing the Police for invasion of privacy. We asked one of our worthless advisors, a Poet Lauri ate, Mr. Ryman N. Lookinlykeafool for some hopeless help. “The Officer didn’t play it right, said Ryman.  “He needs some poetry! He should have put something better on the car of the Woman, not a lousy lifeless sticky note. That’s not going to get any romance going.”

Ryman has poetry that will dazzle for this Police Officer. He recommends to him try these poems on the next hot woman he gives a ticket to…..

“I’m a good cook and I really dance, I’m a Police Officer ready for romance,

To make up I’m sorry about the traffic stop, so let’s let love begin at the donut shop.”

Or he should have tried this…..

“I caught you in a speed trap. I hope you don’t think I’m a sap.

If ya speed it’s costs you 132, so honey I wanna say ‘how do you do’,

while you are sitting in my lap.”

Officer, next time use this in the future…..

“We only go around once in life, I been forever looking to handcuff my dream wife,

Hope you don’t think I’m a Schlubb, the only ring I ever seen is inside my bath tub.”

Now that the Officer is being sued, Ryman advises this one…..

“You b***h Evangelina, I sure didn’t mean to meanahh,

I found you in the data base, now you’re an idiot for filing this case.

Sorry I put the note on your car, I no longer worship you from a far,

You might think this was sh**ty, But the Mayor should give me the key to City.”

The angry Woman is suing the Police department claiming the note caused her to “suffer great fear and anxiety.” What fear? What anxiety? What about the Officer? He puts his life on the line every day! Ryman said, “What if that woman was 400 pounds and ate chocolate all day long she’d be begging for him to call and and for that matter the entire Police force. All she wants is money. Be an adult about it and just say no.”

So what is the final argument?

We think she should have used the right to remain silent.