Wacky Mesopotamian Laws

While the United States Revenue Code is about a bazillion pages long and the published Supreme Court rulings are titanically voluminous, it is likely that none of the laws and regulations found in them are as interesting or as barbaric as some of the laws of the ancient Middle East.  The Sumerians, Babylonians, Akkadians, Hittites, and Assyrians published the first laws and ordinances in the world and often came up with some real doozies.  Here are just a few of the more entertaining laws and the often barbaric penalties for breaching them.

To begin, it is interesting to take a look at the Laws of Ur-Namma from the city-state of Ur which dates to about 2100 B. C. E.  In it the law states that if a man cuts off the foot of another man, he shall weigh and deliver 10 shekels of silver, but if a man shatters the bone of another man with a club he shall weigh and deliver 60 shekels of silver.  And if a man cuts off the nose of another man, he shall weigh and deliver 40 shekels of silver.  Hmmmmm…so it is cheaper to cut a man’s foot off than it is to shatter it with a club.  If only Tonya Harding had known of this law.

Along these same lines, the Laws of Eshnunna that date from about 1770 B. C. E. state that if a man bites the nose off another man (a nose-biting epidemic must have plagued the early Babylonians), he shall weigh and deliver 60 shekels for the offense.  Apparently the value of a nose went up 20 shekels over 330 years.  It should be noted that the Hittites charged only 40 shekels for a bit-off nose at the same time.  Nose-biters must have been flocking to Anatolia for the discount. 

Speaking of 60 shekels of silver…the Laws of Hammurabi (c. 1750 B. C. E.) suggest that if an awilu (a higher class male citizen) strikes the cheek of another awilu, he shall weigh and deliver that amount.  Not surprisingly, this is twice the penalty incurred for striking a pregnant common woman and causing both her and her fetus to die (30 shekels), and twice the penalty incurred for cutting down a date tree in another man’s date orchard without his permission (an equally implausible 30 shekels). 

The Assyrians of the Middle Period (c. 1076 B. C. E.) had their share of some intriguing laws as well.  One of their laws states that if a man should say to another man, “Everyone has sex with your wife,” but there are no witnesses and he can’t prove it, he (the accuser) shall undergo the divine River Ordeal (i.e. he is thrown in the river and if he can float and survive then he must be innocent). 

At this same time, a series of laws about the Royal Courts was released.  In it the law states that if a palace woman either sings or quarrels with her friends and the royal eunuchs stand by and eavesdrop, they shall be struck 100 blows and have one of their ears cut off.  Paparazzi beware.  It is a wonder that any gossip got out of the palace.

The Hittites were the most creative of all of the ancient Middle Easterners as evidenced by a number of their laws.  For example, if a man is crossing a river with his ox, and another man pushes him off, seizes the tail of the ox, and crosses the river, but the river carries off the owner of the ox, the dead man’s heirs shall take possession of the man who pushed him off (presumably as a slave).  Anatolia must be quite the dangerous spot for crossing rivers on oxen.

Another stunning Hittite law suggests that if a dog devours lard, the owner of the lard is entitled to find the dog, kill it, and then retrieve the lard from its stomach and does not have to pay the owner of the dog.  Reconstituted lard from a dog’s stomach is just plain good eatin’.

And finally, another Hittite law for the ages.  If a free man kills a snake and speaks another man’s name, he has to pay 40 shekels of silver, but if a slave kills a snake and speaks another man’s name, he shall be put to death.  Ouch!