A Journey to Break Free

I realize that there is much I need to work on with myself. Between being torn about my “adopted” family and reuniting with them after 8 years of being estranged from them and trying to figure out a new career path, my life is in a stressful “up in the air” stage right now.

I am pushing myself to write more about what is going on in my life right now as I feel this is something very important to the mental and spiritual growth I need to go through to reach the goals and dreams I have envisioned for myself.

I believe the only way to get where you want to go is to truly “live out loud,” to put yourself “out into the world” and see what happens.

Today was my third day on the job with a new sales position and I suddenly felt as though I could not see myself doing it for a long period of time. It troubled me. Once again, I felt that I would have to resort to a 9 to 5 office job. While there’s nothing wrong with it, for me, I just did not want to work such a job anymore.

So, once again, I walked away from the job. I shook the President’s hand and parted ways. Then, as I continued on my way I realized that maybe I did not need to sever ties with that job position altogether. I thought maybe there would be some way I can integrate it into my lifestyle. I called him back and asked if I could work with him tomorrow. He was very understanding and agreed; he said he is open to finding ways we can work together.

In my heart, I know I’m terrified to go forward with my dreams. I love writing more than words can ever fully express, and yet, to pursue my writing aspirations to the fullest is the most terrifying thought I can think of (of course, that’s an exaggeration). I even had a somewhat fight with my closest girl friend about it because she was trying to push me forward and tell me to pursue that avenue and my fear of failure was fighting back what she was saying.

It was the very first conversation of that magnitude regarding my dreams of writing that I’ve ever shared with anyone in my life. It was the first time in my life that I felt like I could talk about it with someone who I know truly cares about me. Tears came to my eyes. It was a difficult process, but it was also a growing one. I feel stronger and yet, the doubts, the fears and all the things my worst enemy (me) try to do to self-sabotage myself are still not out of my system yet. I am trying my best to eliminate all those tangential obstacles from my life, but at times it becomes very difficult.