Adjusting to The Economy: Can You Go Home Again?

There are probably a few quirks that Mom and Dad have regarding day to day household things. Little stuff like how much clutter is acceptable, chores, meal times, who is cooking, who is dusting this week and things like that can be overcome more easily than others. Just remember that this someone else’s home and try to accommodate where you can, and communicate clearly about where you can’t and why. It is important to pick and choose your battles wisely. If Mom wants you to empty and run the dishwasher, its five minutes out of your day. Maybe Dad wants you to help him rake or clean the gutters. Unless you are deathly afraid of leaves and/or heights, what harm is it to donate an hour on a Saturday morning? Honor their requests and they’ll be more likely to honor yours. The key here is to look at Mom and Dad as if they are roommates.

When you return home as an adult, it is almost like your parents have to get to know you all over again, and you them. Things that are both pleasant and unpleasant about your family become clear because you’ve been away from a while, and that works in the opposite direction as well. Old issues from childhood may rear up and bite you out of nowhere. Maybe Mom was hypercritical of your appearance when you were in high school and you feel like she’s doing it all over again. She might not actually being doing that any longer. You have to be honest with yourself about your perceptions. Of course, so does she. Maybe Dad always thought you were lazy, but you find these days that he couch surfs more than you ever did. Certain things have to be let go, re-assessed, redefined as you join them in their space, and they begin to recognize that you are an adult. Chances are, all parties concerned will have their expectations challenged. It can be hard, but in the end it can be worth it. When looked at from the right perspective, it can be a very healing time for your family, a time when adversity can bring all of you closer together. Then maybe, when you are back on your feet and have your own place again, everyone will get to visit more often.