Are You a Drama Magnet?
by Tips and advice on how to clear the drama out of your life. Are you one of those people that always seems to be in the middle of everything? Do you seem to be surrounded by drama when there is really no drama in your life at all? Is it always some else who needs you? You could be a drama magnet.
Are you one of those people that always seems to be in the middle of everything? Do you seem to be surrounded by drama when there is really no drama in your life at all? Is it always some else who needs you? You could be a drama magnet.
A drama magnet tends to be there when people need a problem solved. Often they are confused with an actual drama queen who is someone who tends to look for or make up drama. But the drama magnet is more likely to be sitting back and listening, not creating. A drama queen is usually trying to find out what every one is talking about where as a drama magnet will usually have everyone come to them. The drama magnet knows everything that is going on with the people around them and doesn’t spread it to others. They will usually give advice or try to solve the situation. Does this sound like you?
If you are a drama magnet and it is beginning to get to you, then here are a few simple steps you can take to limit the amount of drama brought your way.
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Set limits
When your friends come to you with their problems you need to set some limits on what you are willing to help with and what you really don’t want to hear about. This is usually a huge problem with the drama magnet because they want to solve everything. But setting limits helps to weed out the unnecessary drama that occurs in normal lives and the excess drama that may occur with a drama queen who seeks out a drama magnet.
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You can’t fix it
You need to realize that you can not fix everything that your friends bring you. If you start just listening and not fixing then pretty soon you will be hearing the bigger problems rather than the day to day stuff. Letting friends vent is one thing, but constantly correcting their lives is another.
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Give yourself time for you
Unplug your phone or walk away for a while and spend some time with yourself. When people start to see that you need that, they will slow down the amount of stress they add to you if they don’t then they need to be cut loose. All they are doing is draining you of your own energy. Most of the time it is the actual drama queen that will have a problem leaving you alone. It may not hurt to let them know that you need some space. And once again we are back at limits.
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Learn to communicate
In order to be able to tell them their limits, show them that you will listen but you can’t fix it and find time to yourself, you need to be able to tell them that. Learn to communicate how you are feeling to your friends. I tell my friends when they are draining me or if I need some space. They all know not to call me, they have to text first and then if I am not busy I will call. I have learned to communicate with them and tell them what I need if they want me to be there for them.
These are just easy steps to take to get some of the drama out of your life. If you feel that a friend is too excessive or won’t leave you alone when you ask, then you may need to cut those strings and let them go. If you still have a problem with them then you may need to seek help, call your local law enforcement or support groups for help.
Have a drama free day.
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Post CommentFrancesca
On February 21, 2009 at 6:14 pm
This sounds so much like my best friend, who it was so hard to give up! I just finally had to be honest with her, and this is someone who can’t handle criticism. (I know because she would go over and over and over with me about all the supposedly horrible things people said, or might have meant, to her.)
I just finally realized that being a 12 hr a day sounding board for her endless pointless hypersensitive obsessions with others went above and beyond the bonds of normal supportive friendship. I had to do little things like sleep, get to work on time, WITHOUT getting in a deadly crash, etc.
Toxic types are masters of projection and when I finally laid this out, she blamed me. I am truly coming to grips with the fact that none of this is my fault. I miss her, but I realized the creative person I was inseperable from in HS & college was gone, replaced by this narcissistic obsessive who’d given up her life to obsess about what others were doing, not doing, or should be doing [She'd become an avid Dr. Laura listener, and just as hypocritical.]and I really couldn’t get her back, no matter how long I treated her with Kidd gloves.
I deserve a better friendship and I hope to find it. I don’t settle now. If I am going to be an on call therapist, honestly, I want to get paid like one.
It’s hard, you’ll hear people say such nonsense, and you’ll think that you can help them by showing them the light, but you can’t.
hmweimar
On March 2, 2009 at 2:51 pm
I am so sorry it took me so long to get back with you. I have been on sabitacal writing a new book. If you would like to contact me personally for advice, email me at hmweimar@yahoo.com , be sure to mention which article you read. Thank you, HM Weimar