For All Those Bad Thing Which Happened There is Someone to Blame: You

Yesterday, I got some free time to myself so I began meditationg for a couple of minutes. Fourtunately, it was quiet and I wasn’t sleepy. I began meditating on loving-kindness.

Basically this is what we think during the meditation excercise.’ I must not do things that will hurt me to others. Noone likes it when they are physically hurt, ignored, bullied, cheated on, thier secrets are commmon knowlege or when someone they love dies or hurts them back. I woulden’t want that done to me. I must dwell in compassion for those who are being hurt and must spread my compassion’

I was deep in thought about this wehn I turned my attention to myself. Myself and the good things I have done. I have brought people togeather, cemented frindships, helped people out…I was a pretty nice person. The thoguht was extremly pleasing.

What about my x-boyfriend? That bastard was the meanest person I had ever met. Selfish brute. I didn’t regret moving on. It was a good decision and he was a BIG MISTAKE. But then…I wasn’t really sure.

It isn’t easy to ask yourself if you have hurt someone when you have such a good opinion of yourself as I do. It is very hard indeed. But the Buddha valued truth more than anything else and he always asked his students to be open-minded.

Being the disciple of Lord Buddha and having taken refuge in the triple gem, I pushed back in my memory to those days. What I saw actually stunned me. How come I never saw any of this before? Could I have been so ignorant?

In most of my memories (more like visions now) i saw him hanging his head after I had said somthing to him. Some thing mean and insulting. How many times have I hurt him with words? I remember calling him horrible names and now the looks on his face went to my heart.

Evenn when he tried to talk…I would ignore him. When he got me stuff…I would tell him not to bother wasting money. When he sat close to me…I would walk off. How could he love someone as ignorant am me? He must have been a brave guy to even ask me out. How could I have hurt someone I loved so much?

My bad.