Growing Pains
by Sometimes our experiences can hurt us deeply, long before we’re old enough to be able to formulate questions about our place in this world.
We all come into this world helpless. Our lives are in the hands of others. And, without their care, we would not be alive today. As we grow, we begin to slowly take responsibility for our own care. And, we NOTICE when others are caring for us. We NOTICE when they begin to “care less”, and it many times coincides with our own growing independence. BECAUSE we’re growing, we need less care. But a small child doesn’t understand those words. They only know that there is less care. The inability to communicate this, can leave us emotionally pained.
Sometimes, there is something of a gap. An unexplained space of sorts. A moment of believing that another will care for us, and then feeling a sense of rejection or maybe something even worse depending on individual sensitivity, when they don’t. These moments are processed. A child can emotionally feel shame or neediness without having any way to express that. Asking for reassurance at such a young age often times comes in the form of cring or being fussy. A parent can misinterpret that. A child is looking for reassurance that this shift has nothing to do with a person caring less. MANY times our ability to take something that is not personal and MAKE IT personal at such a young age, stems from the question that we didn’t have the words to ask……
Do you still love me?
And, if mom or dad would have sat us down when we were 3 years old and explained to us (so a three year old could understand) that they don’t love us any less just because they are no longer watching every move we make, it would have gone a long way for sensitive ones like me. I don’t blame my parents for not doing that. From where they sat, all was well, I was just growing up.
I believe that these early moments silently shape our view of ourselves in this world. It happens in the silence. We really do mold our children. Sometimes what we don’t say has the biggest impact of all.
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Post CommentRuby
On February 4, 2009 at 12:13 pm
This made me feel like crying. I think I was super sensitive when I was a kid. I bet you’re kids benefit from the insight, gianne.
Beautifully written, once again.
Joni Keith
On February 4, 2009 at 1:33 pm
I didn’t have a normal childhood and was always said to be overly sensitive so your words strike a very personal chord. On the other hand, being aware of these feelings allows us to be better parents to our children. I’m certain your children benefit from your intuitiveness.
As always, you’ve contributed yet another great article. Thanks.
NancyG
On February 4, 2009 at 1:51 pm
This gave my heart strings a tug. I had a happy childhood, and don’t consider myself especially sensitive, so that I felt the tug is a testament to your writing.
Good job!
Jake Mitchell
On February 4, 2009 at 9:32 pm
Great article and very timely. I have young children and will make a point to share my love with them every day. Thank you!
Joie Schmidt
On February 4, 2009 at 10:07 pm
This is a beautiful, touching, honest article that is very important for any parent or parent to be to read.
Blessings.
Sincerely,
-Liane Schmidt.
Angela de Bryan
On February 5, 2009 at 9:59 am
Very thoughtful! Thanks for sharing your insight.
gianne
On February 5, 2009 at 12:44 pm
I get so excited when I have comments! Thank you all for stopping by for a read. I try to return the favor and really am so enjoying the writing here!
Ruby Hawk
On February 5, 2009 at 5:59 pm
I’m sure you are right. Parets often do not understand a young one is having difficulity. As the old saying goes,”Hind sight is 20 20″ but then it’s too late.
gianne
On February 6, 2009 at 1:27 pm
Thanks for reading,Ruby. It’s hard to understand what children feel before they have the words to tell us. And, it’s hard sometimes for parents to truly understand how much their body language feeds their child’s self esteem. A perfect exampe is how many parents put their new borns in a car seat or bouncy chair when they are awake so that they can see their world, and hold them close while they sleep. The reverse of that actually gives a child more security. Hold them when they are awake. Let their first explorations be with your loving arms around them.
Thank you for reading, Ruby!
Louie Jerome
On February 6, 2009 at 4:15 pm
I can relate to things that really hurt us before we are even old enough to understand. Unfortunately these are often the things that we carry into adulthood.
lindalulu
On February 7, 2009 at 8:41 am
Very touching, and I can relate.
Johnny Yuma
On February 7, 2009 at 6:16 pm
Very nicely said. I wonder if I let my kids know that I loved them often enough and in the right ways. I thought I was doing good but can’t help but wonder now that they are grown and on their own. I don’t think I did so bad that they hold any lasting grudges because of something I didn’t do, but a person can’t help but wonder if he/she cares at all.
Another great write my friend!
Johnny Yuma
Nan
On February 14, 2009 at 3:57 pm
I think of you and I think of my children and I cry tears of sadness, but also tears of joy for the power of inspiring words and the inspiration from a pure soul.