How Do You Deal with Criticism

It really depends on who’s doing the criticizing.

Mom

In general, as moms go, my Mom criticizes probably just as much as any other mom (sometimes a little more, sometimes a little less). Her favourite points of criticism are my weight and the tidiness of my living space. I’d like to reiterate that my living space is not dirty, per se. It’s just messy.

When it comes to the old standards, I’ve learned to just ignore it. There’s no point getting upset about it because, for example, regardless of whether I weight 1000 lbs or 50 lbs (I’m 168 cm), she’s going to call me fat.

Me: Geez… I must have lost weight. All day today, these dress pants have been falling down.

Mom: You should wear a belt then.

Me: These pants don’t have ears for a belt.

Mom: Well, doesn’t matter. You’re still fat.

Me: Thanks.

5 minutes later

Me: Just as a test, when I went upstairs to change, I tried to take my pants off without unbuttoning or unzipping. It was a bit of a struggle but I got out of the pants. I think I’ve lost like 10 lbs in the last 6 months.

Mom: you’re still fat.

Me: sigh

It’s amazing I’m not bulimic.

Occasionally, she comes up with some new sort of thing to criticize. Like all traditional Chinese moms, she likes to criticize my choice of non-Chinese boyfriend. For the most part I just pretend like I can’t hear her. But some days, a full-blown argument ensues. It’s not pretty.

Other Family & Relatives

Usually, when other family members or relatives decide that they want to have a say in how I do things or how I make decisions, I look at their level of experience in that area and decide accordingly how much weight their criticism should have. For example, I have an uncle who has lived in China all his life and has had minimal interaction with Caucasian North Americans. I’m always amused by how he says he knows better how to deal with “Americans” than me, and that I don’t really “understand” Americans, but he does. Sometimes he’s been annoying enough that I’ve flat out asked him, “and how many Americans have you even met, let alone conversed with? I’ve only lived across the lake from them all my life, worked directly with them on internship, and taken long extensive holidays in America a zillion times.” Knowledge base is important.