How to Love Yourself When No One Has Loved You

A positive mental attitude. You will need this in abundance especially for when times get rough. This mechanism will be your pick me up for when times get hard and you are about to give in to despair. It takes practice to develop a positive mental attitude, especially if you have never been loved before, but if you can work on it, you are not too far away from achieving self love.

Next, you need support. This may come in the form of a friend, family or a counsellor. This can be a toughie for a number of reasons. One, you may not have any friends. Yes it’s true, it’s possible that you may not have any friends. It’s something people don’t admit to, but trust me I’ve been there. If this is your situation, try to find a least one person that you can confide in. Someone you feel you can trust. Ask them for support and advice when you go through tough situations and ask them what they would do in a similar situation. This is not to say that you have to take their word as gospel, but you may find that most people would react similarly to you in any given situation. Knowing this information will make it easier for you to accept and love yourself, as you will begin to realise that there is nothing wrong with you, you are merely used to have your feelings pushed down. Once you begin to realise that your reactions are normal and valid, you will begin to feel more comfortable making decisions and will soon become very good at it, bringing yourself ten steps closer to being the real you, and thus loving yourself. As mentioned before, a healthy dose of positive thinking will help you here especially in those times when you feel like you can’t confide in someone because the secret is too big. Think positive and dare to believe that your friend might possibly support you. And if they don’t, find someone else.

Ok next step: Family. It may well be that for some reason or another you don’t have any family. It could be that you were separated from them as a child, you have become isolated from them or they have abused you in some way meaning that you cannot reach out to them. That is ok. If there is no one in your family that you can trust then by all means continue to confide in your friends. And remember the number of friends you can have is limitless. Have as many as you feel you are able to and that will also be a blessing.

If you are having trouble making friends, and have no family you feel you can trust, you can confide in a counselor. They will be able to help you get through tough situations and can act as a supportive confident in the absence of other support systems. You can ask your GP to refer or you can find one privately – just be sure to get a recommendation first if possible.

So now we have worked on building a support system for ourselves it is vital to do one last step.

Action. This does not mean negative action or aggression. It means speaking up for yourself when necessary, if necessary. It means saying no when you don’t want to do something, because that is your right. Go on, say it now. No. Feels good doesn’t it?

Practice all these steps and I guarantee you will be loving yourself in next to no time. But like all good things in life, it takes hard work, perseverance and determination. So what are you waiting for? The next time your boss asks you to water his plants, or your girlfriend insists on you cutting her toenails, say no. Tell a friend, and realise that you are worth more than that. That is of course, unless you want to. And that my friend, is loving yourself.