I am a crossdresser. A man who likes to wear women’s clothes. I’ll describe why I do it, and what it’s like.
How did it start?
I’ve been wearing women’s clothes, off and on, since I was 6. As far as I know, there wasn’t any event that caused it, and I was well before puberty at that time, so the reasons I started were not based in sex. There are theories about why it starts, some of which talk about a genetic problem or hormone imbalance, and others which talk about ‘mommy issues’. All I can say is that I was very young, and that I can’t think of any one reason why I started doing it and other boys didn’t.
Regardless, I guarded the secret very closely as I grew up – my family was blue collar and the climate in the 70’s and 80’s was much different than now. There was a good chance I’d have gotten constant beatings if anyone had ever found out. I didn’t start relaxing a little about letting people know until I was in my late 20’s.
How often do I do it? Where do I go?
How often I do it has changed during my life because of circumstances. If I was in a position where it was a very hostile environment for that type of thing, I’d do it infrequently and only in a place where I would never be seen. If left to my own devices in an average environment, I’d binge on it for about 2-3 weeks, every few months, and not do it much in between those times. I always have some type of clothing stashed away somewhere.
Where I go depends on my confidence level, what clothes I have, and again, the environment. I have to look fairly passable before I take it outside. But when I do, I usually just drive to random places and walk around. Places where I won’t have any trouble. Sometimes I go to shopping centers and malls. Sometimes I go to the park. Beyond the act of crossdressing, it’s also a cool feeling to be in ‘disguise’. At my most passable (i.e., with the best clothes and accessories, and when I’m at my thinnest), I fool most of the people I encounter.
Why do I do it?
I’ve never been 100% sure. It’s sort of a compulsion that only another cross-dresser would understand. Partly, it is a fetish. Partly, it’s kind of comforting in a weird way – I tend to crossdress more during periods of high stress. Beyond a point, I stopped worrying about the question of why, and put my efforts towards the much more worthwhile processes of how to handle this segment of my life in a way that won’t hurt anyone, including myself.