I Had to Put Pen to Paper

I like to think that I think differently than most people, and that is what makes me special.
Maybe it’s a gift, or maybe it’s a curse.
How are you suppose to measure greatness and success? Do you measure success by money, material, family, relationships? What is important?

I am 30 years old, I don’t feel successful, relationships-no, money-none, material please I don’t even have a couch. I think that maybe I should try to be a better person and not dwell on what I don’t have. However selfishly, I also believe that people who say money doesn’t make you happy, don’t have any either.

What do you do when you’re good at twenty different things, but not great at anything? Recently I decided at 30, that I would like to be a doctor; what do I do with that? This information could have been something that would’ve been helpful for me to know about myself 14 years ago, when I was skipping school and getting into trouble.
I aspired to be a singer from the time I could talk, however I then got caught up in karaoke bliss, and standing ovations in a karaoke bar just doesn’t pay the bills as well as one would think.

I wonder how many singers got there start by being discovered at karaoke; got there Big break, and went on to be famous and rich with platinum albums. Not many I’m guessing.

If I were to justify my success at this point in time, I would say that right now I’m successful at still being alive. However I do come up with the million dollar ideas every once in a while and never do anything about them. You know that commercial for help with submitting your ideas to companies and the people are always on there saying that was my idea and I didn’t do anything about it. Well I say now and forever, that shoulda, woulda, coulda never helped anybody.

I want to be a writer, so I write. I want to be a singer so I sing. I want to be a hair stylist, an artist, a fashion designer, a record producer, an actress, a doctor or nurse; the list goes on and on. Where do I start? Should I start with one dream and put my all into it until it works or do I do a lot of dabbling in this and that and hope that I can make something of myself in at least one area? Keep on keeping on until the next big dream flops in my lap of disappointment. Then it’s back to the drawing board, literally. Don’t get me wrong there are many people that have it a lot worse off than I could imagine. People who are homeless, jobless, have terrible deforming illnesses. So you see it could be worse. I’m only suffering from terminal disappointment.