Life After Abuse: Rites of Passage

Sometimes it is difficult to move forward after leaving an abusive relationship because it seems as though the only person who has changed is you. Some people can shrug the feeling off like an old coat and proceed forward with relative ease. Others have a need to some how mark the experience, though they may not be aware of why they feel this way. In this situation, the question of why is unimportant because pursuing the answer will not bring any peace or fill the need.

In many cultures, changes in life are marked by rites of passage and public or private ritualized displays that honor the changes and experiences. It may sound to be an odd statement, especially here in the USA where I am from. One may think that there are no such rituals in as secular of a culture as that of the United States however they are present. A fine example is how death is approached by the culture at large. When a person dies, it is considered customary for them to be buried in a cemetery, following a remembrance service of some sort where the mourners are dressed in black clothes of a conservative fashion. Weddings are also culturally viewed as times of happiness where the bride is customarily dressed in white and carries a bouquet of flowers. Following the solemnities, it is expected that a celebratory meal will be provided.

These two examples are not drawn from a specific religion but rather are part of the fabric of our cultural identity. When we approach the topic of abuse, it suddenly becomes clear that it has been a taboo topic and any form of recognition of it is held to be strictly a private matter not to be discussed with others in public. While this may seem disheartening to the survivor and the victim of abuse, it actually holds the potential to be a very good thing. This taboo nature of the topic can serve as a screen to shield the survivor and victim from scorn or some measure of well intentioned but harmful statements from others. It is not a reflection of shame, as it may feel at times, but rather an expression of privacy and the respect of it.

In this, it allows the survivor and victim of abuse to control who is aware and is involved with the healing and recovery process. Such control is needed to bolster the positive self-esteem of the survivor and to encourage it within the victim of abuse. Within the quiet space of privacy as set aside by the social taboo, it is possible for the survivor and the victim to meet their needs for their recovery. This works to shield them from scorn for utilizing their options available within the mental health community. It is also possible for them to take measures to formalize their engaging in the recovery process by creating and executing a ritual specifically tailored for this purpose.