Nurturing Nature

The search for self-identity is an age-old quest. Finding ourselves (as though we’re lost) is viewed as this refreshing voyage that is sure to land us on the beautiful Isle of Harmony and Security. But is it really a voyage or is it just inherent? For some, it seems like the voyage wasn’t necessary because their identity just materialized out of nowhere into this awesome, self-assured existence. As children change from infant to toddler, people will often remark at the many ways their personalities are beginning to “shine.” But is that the whole story? Does personality simply appear and then once it’s out, that’s it? Your destiny has been sealed, you are who you are, and the world better be prepared to take you, no questions asked?

I’ve always believed that who we are as individuals is an idea that should be subject to change and should be changing all the time. As I watch my almost 2-year old son clench his fists, stomp his right foot, and forcibly let out the most well enunciated “NO!” I’ve ever heard in my life in protest to my suggestion that he take a bath, I pray to God that there is room for growth and change in his personality! On the other hand, I personally experience my own inner sense of wanting and needing more. I pray to God that I too will have room for growth and change! Personality, as I see it, is a combination of genetics, life experiences, and the resources (both tangible and emotional) that one was able to access throughout their life. We’ve all heard people comment on how two children can be raised in the exact same household yet manifest such individual personalities. So if one’s personality is this ever-changing, moldable clay of various traits, behaviors, and attitudes, how do we shift from what currently exists to what we hope will exist in the future? And is that even the goal? What about the idea that we should just learn to be comfortable with who we are-learn to accept ourselves, flaws included?

This is the answer that has worked for me: we have to find a balance between shifting and accepting. Shifting is useful because it allows us to develop the ability to offer ourselves and others a trampoline like landing strip for the times when life’s struggles appear unbearable. It helps to absorb the shock rather than leaving us crumbled, destroyed and dismantled under the weight of the collision of unmet expectations, lost loves, and the unending list of life’s potential mishaps.

On the other hand, it is necessary to learn to accept who we are-but only in the moment. There are times in our past when the recollection of an identity, behavior or an attitude that we so proudly toted around now almost instantly brings about a gag reflex in us. Thankfully, the past stays in the past and we aren’t required to hold onto the things that existed in that time period. We can relish in those moments with pride or fond reminiscence or we can be exuberantly thankful that those days are over and hopefully won’t return to haunt us. Acceptance though, has to be granted at every stage of our lives-acceptance of who we are in the here and now. An acceptance that says to us, “everything will happen in its own time, so don’t worry, just live.” Acceptance brings about authenticity, and there is no greater sense of peace than the kind that comes accompanied with knowing that in this moment, I am an authentic individual, changeable but unshakeable.