Random Thoughts

Yesterday I woke up, looked out of the window and wondered where my life was going. I have my own business, which is a dream come true, I write for a living which is another dream come true. What else? Sometimes I feel some kind of ache in my heart and I don’t know why that is, I can’t quite scratch the surface of it, or pinpoint why this pain never seems to cease. I look into the eyes of my lovely one and I thank God for his existence, I wouldn’t change him for the world. The love I feel for him is beyond words, every time I try to describe it words truly do fail me. 

I look back on the life that I have lived so far and I can see pain, sorrow, grief, but then I can see joy, happiness, and laughter. My life could have taken many different paths, I chose this one. Was it the right one? Or should I  have gone left or straight ahead instead of turning right? Do I have any regrets? Well maybe, actually yes I do, but I can’t live my life regretting my actions so, this is what I do. Just move on and forget about the past, learn from my mistakes, dust myself off and look to the future. Easier said than done right? Well I did it this morning, when I had a phone call from someone who I thought I would never hear from again. I left him in my past but he came back to haunt me. I pressed the cancel button, you know that red button on a cell phone? I just pressed it and put the phone in the draw, in fact I switched it off and left it off. I haven’t look at that phone since this morning and I don’t think I want to. I don’t think I need to, in fact I want to flush it away, so that the outside world can have no connection with me right now. 

I read a few lines from a Maya Angelou poem this morning and it nourished my soul.

“I have a magic charm that I keep up my sleeve, I can walk the ocean floor and never have to breathe” 

The power of words, the steadfastness of a the written word is sometimes beyond comprehension. For me words are like escapism, writing is like my haven. I wrap myself up in rhetoric and dress myself in synonyms, lie down in a bed of verbs and adjectives, I wish I could lie here forever. Forever in the written word, take comfort in the leaves of an empty notebook and reside there perpetually. 

writing, writing, writing the dream. Written word I love you xxx forever in my soul x