“Respect” for the Stay-at-Home Dad
by A few of the trials and tribulations of my neighbor, who stays home with his four children so that his wife can work. A complaint about the unconscious prejudices directed toward stay-at-home fathers.
My neighbor, we’ll call him Ken for this article, is the father of four beautiful children, one girl and three boys. He worked, as most men do, to support his family for many years. Now, Ken takes care of the preschooler so that he doesn’t have to go to daycare. Ken packs lunches and sees kids onto and off of buses. Ken does the laundry and cleans the house. Ken does most of the shopping and takes care of the family pets. Ken works all day and often late into the night, for his family, in his home, being a Dad, performing a necessary family function often considered to be a woman’s role.
The Tragedy
Four years ago, Ken had not one, but two, full time jobs. He was expecting a promotion to a management position which would allow him to reduce his workload to only the one, higher paying job, which was important because he and his wife, Darlene, were expecting a new baby. Things were looking great.
Unfortunately, the unexpected does occur at times. Darlene’s water began to leak while she was barely 32 weeks along in the pregnancy. Just a few days later, despite following her doctor’s instructions, she went into labor. Not only was this a dangerous situation for the child, but Darlene had complications during the birth which caused a great deal of internal damage. With the three older kids alternating between their grandfather’s house and home with Ken, and both Darlene and the new baby in the hospital on the edge between life and death, Ken’s employer decided that two days after the birth, Ken needed to come back to work, or he would be fired. Ken chose to spend his time with Darlene and his baby since it was doubtful that the baby would survive, and Darlene was in no condition to take care of their other children.
The Recovery
After one week, Darlene was allowed to come home, but the baby was kept for seven weeks in the hospital, and Darlene was still in severe pain. In fact, her injuries were severe enough that she is still regularly in some pain, now four years later. Ken went back and forth to the hospital, helped Darlene as much as he could, and took turns with Darlene caring for the baby in the hospital until they were allowed to bring him home. Ken went to job interviews, and picked up a few temporary jobs or contract work here and there, but was unable to find permanent full-time work. In order to pay the bills, Darlene found a cashier job, originally, just until Ken could find work.
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