Sense of Urgency: Learning to Love, Accept, and Embrace the Demon of Self-intoxication

That which seemingly defeats us also redeems and exalts us. What are you currently listening to? Would it be the voice of reason, recourse, revenge, residue, recompense, or reverberation? Of the many voices of distraction, conflict and contention within, how does one know what to listen to and what to ignore/delete? Where does your attention flow? Do you find yourself mulling over the same old thoughts again and again and again? Whether they be thoughts of (people, places, things) locked away in the past, worry projected in the future, or nit picky concerns in the present, are you proposing a state of inherent disability? If lingered in long enough, this non-productive self-sabotaging mental process will sap your vitality and destroy your over-all well being. A more definitive term for what you are doing to yourself would be: debilitating self-intoxication. This present state of mind is literally undermining all of your activities. It is coloring your communication with others and inhibiting you from being a fun, spontaneous and creative person. {Which, in fact, IS your natural self when allowed to express freely.} You are giving full reign to a pessimistic never-ending inner dialogue that reduces your ability to concentrate, finish tasks, function optimally, remain cheerful, enthusiastic, interested and helpful. Your level of attractiveness is diminished and sexuality takes a back seat. Boring and uninteresting, you are turning into an old fogy way before your time. {Not that there’s anything wrong in growing old; it should be the most celebrated and glorious part of a person’s life!} But, when we don’t feel “good” about the things we do during the day, like finishing tasks, excessive gossiping or procrastinating, we immediately impress upon the mind guilt with the need to defend ourselves. We end up accusing and attacking others before they have a chance to comment on what we perceive as a poor performance or further yet, we misinterpret whatever comment is made. That obsessive mind set projects paranoia, a victim mentality along with the tried and true “feel sorry for me song.” And, tell me, “Who wants to dance to that tune?”

Let’s face it: none of us like to be seen in a “bad” light. And, we will go to great lengths and heights to prevent the embarrassing and humiliating scenario from occurring If, at all possible. The irony of the problem, however, lies not in our so-called “poor performance” but rather in how we THINK we ought to perform based on the self-projected conditions of others. Not only do we believe we SHOULD act a certain way but we have conditioned ourselves into perceiving we ought to FEEL a certain way, as well. Not true. False. Wrong. We have grown so accustomed to acting and reacting based on a pre-supposed idea of what others “will think of me” IF I don’t or do, that our authentic voice has been buried underneath mountains of over-processed emotional rubble. Have we become so self-intoxicated by a deluded, distorted, disgruntled self-image that we are incapable of recognizing, appreciating and applying genuine worthiness? We are far too concerned with what we believe others think or don’t think about us. We are so accustomed to feeding and fueling our inner negative dialogue, we CAN’T really hear what is being said. We jump to conclusions, accuse others of vicious innuendos, while at the same time, walking on egg shells so as not to offend. A DEPRESSIVE NIGHTMARE: we end up living in a self-created delusional hell of our own making, saying one thing doing another.