Often times our minds are focused on how we wish others would behave. It’s easy to criticize, talk about, and judge other people’s actions. What’s more difficult is to focus only on your own actions. So, this Fall I have decided to do a deep cleaning of my thoughts which will lead to my words and ultimately to my actions…or so I am told. In many ways, Spring is a new beginning, a new birth, and a perfect time to clean out the junk. However, I don’t see why this couldn’t be done anytime, even in the Fall. Now is as good of a time as any to clean out some of the mental junk.  

I remember a quote a professor read to a class I took long ago. I am not sure who originally spoke these words, but I have never forgotten them. My professor said, and I am paraphrasing here, “too understand is to stand under, to stand under is to look up to, to look up to is to respect, and to respect is to understand.” A little more respect and understanding along with morality could not hurt anyone. I decided to put this into action with my little guinea pigs…my children. I like to continuously remind myself how much respect our children deserve.  

The Dahli Lama suggests that before anyone can become happy, one must first work on their own morality. Notice, it’s not important to look at the morality of others. He goes on to instruct that one of the first places to begin this morality cleansing is with your words. Ultimately, your words come from your thoughts. So, a deep cleansing of thoughts could lead to true happiness. That sounds pretty simple. A daily practice of working on your thoughts could change your life for the better. Of course, no one has only good thoughts all of the time. That would be impossible. It is more of a gradual progression. I believe it is something you have to practice daily, just like with anything in life worth doing. This little investment in yourself benefits everyone you come into contact with too.

So, this morning, also my first day of practicing my positive thoughts/positive speech leading to a life of bliss, my daughter, Daphne come out of the bathroom with a brush wound up so tightly in her hair. I mean it was stuck. Already, we were running late, as usual, for school. The oatmeal was about to burn, I was out of peanut butter for the lunches and the dogs peed all over my laundry room floor. In the midst of all of this, I looked at Daphne’s hair and wondered how I would explain the gaping hole in the side of her hair because I was probably going to have to cut that bad boy out of the clump of hair it rested in. The thoughts and words that streamed through my mind were atrocious. It was early, I was tired. I would have kept those to myself even if I wasn’t practicing positive speech. I had to remain silent while I struggled to find the language which was appropriate and still positive. How can I not be sarcastic? It’s so difficult for me to avoid sarcasm. That’s my favorite. I said, as sweetly as possible, “What were you thinking here, babe?” I used every ounce of managing my intonation in order not to sound demeaning or sarcastic.

She looked up to me with those beautiful brown eyes. I am sure she was flabbergasted that I wasn’t critical or yelling. Then, much to my amazement, the harsh words stopped streaming into my mind… like magic. My heart rate slowed, I calmed down. I worked on the detangling. It was actually coming loose. What could have been an emotional tear filled scissors flying mess, ended up going rather smoothly. We were both amazed when the comb detached from the nest of mangled hair. We even got out of the door and into the car on time, like magic.

On the drive to school, I felt like I accomplished something incredible rather than thinking something horrible had just happened to me. Normally, I would have been going through the “why me’s” and Daphne would still be crying in the backseat. Rather than having Daphne begin her day terribly, I think she forgot about the whole thing minutes after she brushed away the remaining ball of hair where the brush used to live. It worked! I am not saying I will be able to accomplish this peaceful response each and every time I am faced with drama, but I will keep giving it my best shot.