The Art of People-Pleasing

It is an art really, this label people keep putting on me. I do not actually meet the definition of its connotation, but in essence, I really am a pleaser of the people. To be called this is an indication of my awaited success, and I scoff at those who perceive me as a fool.  This idea is the key to my strategic plan to gain control of my network of friends, family, and acquaintances.  Of course, it is no fault of theirs that they mistake my dealings with them as acts of friendliness, or my personality as kindhearted.  It is of no farther fault to those who mistake my actions as those of a pushover, the word “doormat” or “suck up” coming up in their mind every time they hear my name.  Furthermore it is no fault of those who think of themselves as especially intuitive when they proceed to tag me as a “suck up” or a “brown-noser” when they assume insincerity in my words and actions. I deceive for reasons other than that of a people pleaser, although, technically, I do seek to please people. It is the way to a person’s heart; it is also called manipulation.

A pushover and I have absolutely nothing in common except we please people. Our intentions, needs, and methods are different.  A pushover attempts to make the other person like them so conflict will be avoided. This is because they have placed their self worth in other people’s opinions; their happiness is dependent on the happiness of others. They do this by searching for other’s needs, and meeting those needs in hope they will be loved by those whom they serve.

To contrast myself from those miserable dolts, my intentions are to make people like themselves. This is a simple concept really. People want to feel better about their own selves and often do this by placing other’s praise and flattery high above those that might be neutral or negative. People often use the same sources for approval because there is less risk that they will receive negative feedback and I am their source. They like me and they begin to need me; they cannot hate their source of positive feedback. Manipulative actions are most effective when they are perceived as inferior or dim-witted. I use those who love themselves because they cannot discern truth from fact concerning them, only good reviews from bad reviews. “You are right I should do this…you do deserve better…you do look amazing…of course I’ll make you that coffee…you need a friend to pick you up at three in the morning? I’ll be there.” It’s simple, I cater to their needs and I become their most valuable asset.

The difference between me and the pushover is that I keep my eye on my motive, that is, the reason I am doing this. The reason I do this is because I want people to like me so that–I want to meet people’s needs so that I will be-well, I want to be in control of others, and that’s not the people pleaser’s goal…it couldn’t be. I am different; I don’t let myself be pushed around-well I do but, hmm,… No! I am NOT a doormat! I bail people out of problems so that I will be lik-wait, I am a people pleaser, but not to win people’s approval like the doormats…but I do try to win their approval. This is bad. I can’t see any difference, let me stop and process this.

One of two things must be true, either I’ve become a doormat, or these dirty scumbags of pushovers and brown-nosers are covert manipulators.