In my past life, ambition dominated my existence. The themes central to my activities were: getting ahead, making it big, becoming successful, fulfilling my dreams, etc. Since my life revolved around these themes, I was always rushed doing everything on my to do list. I had to rush because everything was planned out in fifteen minute increments which left no time for just hanging around doing nothing. Or doing just what I felt like at the moment.

I can’t remember really having enjoyed myself. I always needed some external stimuli to just feel the pleasure of being alive. Of breathing. The external stimuli included the company of other people – especially whoever I happened to be dating at the time – or television, shopping, reading, planning for a future I would not enjoy anyway because I was always waiting for a future in which I could enjoy myself.

When will that future come? It just never does. There was a deep angst inside me that led me to believe all the lies marketers constantly bombared us with. Once you buy this or have this or do this (most of which require you pay a dollar cost) then you will be…content. This marketing not only deals with commercials but the entire entertainment composed of movies and music tell us the same, that if only such and such were to happen, we were to have a particular possession, or that a particular person would love us and pay attention to us, then…we would be content.

Apart from our basic physical needs of clothing, shelter and food, does anything else beyond this really give us the power to enjoy ourselves? What else do we really need to enjoy ourselves? Not much in terms of products. We all need someone to hug us and play with us and someone to eat with, just like when we were children. That is what we need to experience this contentment. And when we are alone, we must enjoy our own company.

Some people can’t tolerate their own company – most of the times it is because they feel bad. The bad feeling comes from inside of them, due to depression or some other illness that gives them pain. When they are distracted by working or being stimulated by external means through the tv, music, other people, or books, they can stop focusing so much on the pain. Of course, the pain is still there and has not entirely gone away. When there are no distractions, people are faced with themselves. They cannot run away from themselves, as much as they try to change cities, change names, change careers and changes lifetime partners. At the end of the great marathon, despite how hard and fast you ran, you end up in the same spot you started with. Facing yourself and all you pain. You seek all kinds of distractions, set new goals, plan new timelines, get motivated and start doing all kinds of activities. This condition of constant angst and being driven to succeed without even stopping to enjoy my already earned rewards was what I suffering when I came to the present conclusion of this essay.

The pleasure of just being comes from just that – just being alive. If the mind of man has not been trained or awakened to really feel this pleasure, to really savor with gratitude his own existence, all the other monuments of success like power and wealth go to waste.