What are You Afraid Of?

What are you pack of whimpering babies afraid of eh? What is it that you fear? Do you fear me? Why would you fear me, for I am only slightly unstable. I have fleeting moments of sanity that threaten my paradigm of self imposed lunacy but that is no reason to fear me. I would at the very worst say something of unimaginable splendor instead of the typical garbage that is expunged from my tonsils. That wouldn’t do you any harm though. No – it isn’t me that scares you.

This bloke is freaking out! Probably because his hand has entered some kind of distortion portal and turned his hand into a donut via Wikipedia

Perhaps it is the snot of pig that distresses you so. You don’t want to go outside into the filthy dirty masses of unwashed heathens in case they have been pashing a 300kg pink boar with a sniffle. That is probably fair enough, but if bird eating pigs are going to cause the downfall of man in the worst pandemic ever to hit this tortured planet, then is there really anything you can do about it? You could perhaps build an underwater city and replace your lungs with gills, but I doubt you have the technology to do that. Even if you did, it wouldn’t be long before the pigs were having their way with the fish and the dolphins, and little pig octopuses would soon come to suck your face and give you the avian-swine-fish flu. So even then you will be stuffed. No – it isn’t the flu that scares you.

See the face of your doom and despair! via Wikipedia

Perhaps it is the threat of the Large Hydron Collider (LHC) activating and destroying the planet, and perhaps even the universe. That cannot be what you fear for as any imbecile knows the LHC has nothing to do with particle physics and the search for holy particles. It is actually a star gate used to let the world’s elite escape the quarantine our solar system has been placed under by benevolent aliens in the Kuiper Belt. It has been deemed that humans are not ready to explore the stars yet as we are too obsessed with monkey pornography and baking biscuits to join the intergalactic community. These aliens will never allow the LHC to be activated, so nothing can happen in that regard. No – it isn’t the LHC that scares you.