Men Think About Sex Once Every Seven Seconds… or Do They?
So, they say men think of sex every seven seconds. But did you ever think how much thinking that might involve? And about what, exactly? Read on for a full and frank confession.
The tube was crowded on the journey back again. Denise re-appeared six inches away from his face. Next to her was 46-24-36 triple D hot totty sex stunner Susie (19 from Stockport). He’d left Germaine Greer in the office. A woman with a low top dropped her ticket.
Back home, and thinking about the sex which didn’t happen
He arrived home, discovered that his son had a porn stash, told him that there was a distinction between physical lust and love, and that the latter could enhance the former, although the former was no guarantee of the latter, ate some food, gave his wife an aspirin, and sat down to watch what was purportedly a public service documentary about the history of nudity in contemporary art, but which was clearly an opportunity to show some dirty pictures with Joan Bakewell talking over the top. Then he went to bed. The aspirin clearly hadn’t worked because his wife had a headache.
This gave him a chance to ponder the events of the day, and to calculate whether or not he’d achieved the target. No matter how best-case he made the scenario, it still added up to only 1 hour 37 minutes, so he felt totally inadequate, and rolled over to suffer a six hour nightmare featuring a man who walked on stage, forgot his lines, and was laughed at. He woke up sporting what he thought was a tent pole holding up a large marquee, but on closer examination it proved to be matchstick and a one-man Eurohike back-packer bivouac.
I thanked my friend for being so explicit, and told him that he was insecure. Gently, I also explained that he was thoroughly paranoid about sexual performance, obsessively fixated over perceived inadequacies in the dimensions of his manhood, a pathetically immature role model for his children, and an utterly unreconstructed weak-willed chauvinist shamefully masquerading as a new man behind a copy of The Guardian.
A word of advice
He begged me to help him resolve these difficulties. I advised him that his time would be better spent exorcising these demons by writing an article about a fictitious friend with a sex obsession, carefully set up with some mock-scientific musings about the popular mythology relating to men thinking about sex every seven seconds.
For all I know, he may well have gone and done it.
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Post Commentdexter augustus
On November 11, 2008 at 4:47 am
Was that on Friday on the central line, at about 9.00 o’clock? I remember it distinctly. (I’m Mike’s friend, incidentally. He told me he wouldn’t write about this …).
banond
On November 12, 2008 at 2:10 pm
Enough of the self-congratulatory tone of the correspondence. Why doesn’t Mike Ritchie settle down and get himself a proper job in the real world instead of concocting this puerile rubbish. I would suggest that he is obviously in the grip of a mid life crisis brought on by the impending half century that he will have been on this planet in the year 2009.
CJS Algrin
On November 23, 2008 at 6:58 am
I also wrote an article on the matter, which you can see if you follow the link below
http://www.socyberty.com/Sexuality/Men-Think-About-Sex-Every-Three-Seconds-Seven-Thoughts.355111
I like this article, I don’t know either of the people involved, nor am I familiar with some of the thoughts there, but it did make me reflect on a pair of important things in my life, if you catch my drift. Good writing
Jackson
On December 7, 2008 at 11:57 pm
Too bad these statistics are impossible to prove and are completely wrong.
Why don’t you write about something you can prove otherwise you subject yourself to ridicule.
You know that feeling when you’re informed of something and you decide to write about it, assuming it is 100% correct, when you later find out that it isn’t? Then you look like a complete fool to those who obviously know much better than you do. Stop posting trash.