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     HOW TO SINK 100-FOOT PUTTS

     Number one (or numero uno, for those of you who speak Mexican), buy a lot of cheap putters. No, I don’t recommend throwing them in a creek, or in the woods, or breaking them over your knee when you don’t sink a putt–just give the putter a rest. It may be tired out from hitting so many shots. It needs to rehab. I usually carry three putters. This causes trouble when getting down to the 14-club limit when playing tournaments, but let’s forget about that for a second.

     Suppose you miss a two-foot putt and the ball fails to even touch the hole. Put away that putter. Go to another.

     Also, and now, this is really radical (something that might not be for everyone) try avoiding lining up putts from the West. I completely recommend getting a look at a putt from four sides, but you can save time by eliminating the West look. It has a Zen intensity to it. I argue it saves time—about 25%–but some guys claim I actually take more time imagining what the putt looks like from the West. So what. The hell with those guys.

     You can even pick North, or South, or East as the direction to omit. Whatever works for you—whatever’s lucky. Luck is the important thing.

     That’s why you go to church, right? For the luck. Of course you do.

     LUCKY SOCKS

     If thou art a baseball player, like yours truly (a senior men’s baseball player—we are so liberal, we opened up the league to women—this is America, isn’t it?) you are into luck.

     Most guys, when they get a hit in a game, won’t wash their uniform, shirt or socks. Guys with hitting steaks start to look really rough, and you might not want to sit near them on the bench.

     Any time I get a hit, or even just have a good game (get an outfield assist or something), I try to figure out why. Was it the socks? The sweatbands? I have an assortment of sweatbands. One black one with a skull and crossbones I like best. It has an inscription that says “Dead Men Tell No Tales.” I have two others that are “Napolean Dynamite” movie tie-ins.