A tongue in cheek discussion about the ins and outs of facial hair.
I’ve heard it said that only virile men can grow extreme amounts of hair on their faces. Whether this is true or not I do not know. However, as an outsider who would never be able to grow any facial hair (this I say with fingers and toes crossed, and hope with all my heart that this is true) I ponder about the time and effort that this pastime takes.
What do you do when beards/moustaches turn frizzy after getting wet in the rain. Do you have to rush indoors and grab the straightener to smoothen it out before anyone else sees the frizz.
I hardly ever wear my hair down because it gets in the way of doing various things. Like Violet Baudelaire in Lemony Snicket’s “A series of Unfortunate events”, I always have to tie up my hair before I get involved in tasks. Do men with facial hair have to do the same? Does the beard have to go up in a pony tail when they’re dressing the kids, cooking the dinner, doing the washing up? Is it worn high up and out of the way or pulled back and put over the shoulders.
Many men find it hard to hold on to the hair on their heads, does facial hair fall off, if so, is Re-gain the thing to use? What happens when bald patches starts to occur? Does spray in hair work for this, or is a comb over a better solution.
What’s the best way to keep facial hair in order? Does it stay in place without Brylcream or hair wax? When it’s time to take a shower, can a shower cap keep the water off the jelled hair do?
On special occasions, how do you dress facial hair? Is it straightened, permed, or coloured? And how long does it take to get ready for a special night out. Does the hair styling come with beard styling as well? Do curlers work better than the curling thong for a more long lasting style?
And how is it washed, how often? Is there a special day set aside for hair washing. Would you say, “Oh I’m washing my beard” if you didn’t want to go out with a friend? What works best, is it the shower wash, in the bath or at the sink?
Is there ever a problem of nits and lice? Does one sweat from one’s facial hair as one does from one’s head? How does one maintain the body, or is it all right to allow it to go limp.
When it is washed, does facial hair require shampoo? Conditioner? Frizz ease and Mousse?
I think that it does become an obsession for certain men after a while. Why else would one take all that effort to grow all that extra protein from their faces.
I wonder, do men who belong to this exclusive club ever give each other hints and tips? Are there articles written about caring for facial hair? A magazine called “Extreme hair” a website devoted to beards called hairyface.com.