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Only Real Men Can Grow Facial Hair

A tongue in cheek discussion about the ins and outs of facial hair.

I’ve heard it said that only virile men can grow extreme amounts of hair on their faces. Whether this is true or not I do not know. However, as an outsider who would never be able to grow any facial hair (this I say with fingers and toes crossed, and hope with all my heart that this is true) I ponder about the time and effort that this pastime takes.

What do you do when beards/moustaches turn frizzy after getting wet in the rain. Do you have to rush indoors and grab the straightener to smoothen it out before anyone else sees the frizz.

I hardly ever wear my hair down because it gets in the way of doing various things. Like Violet Baudelaire in Lemony Snicket’s “A series of Unfortunate events”, I always have to tie up my hair before I get involved in tasks. Do men with facial hair have to do the same? Does the beard have to go up in a pony tail when they’re dressing the kids, cooking the dinner, doing the washing up? Is it worn high up and out of the way or pulled back and put over the shoulders.

Many men find it hard to hold on to the hair on their heads, does facial hair fall off, if so, is Re-gain the thing to use? What happens when bald patches starts to occur? Does spray in hair work for this, or is a comb over a better solution.

What’s the best way to keep facial hair in order? Does it stay in place without Brylcream or hair wax? When it’s time to take a shower, can a shower cap keep the water off the jelled hair do?

On special occasions, how do you dress facial hair? Is it straightened, permed, or coloured? And how long does it take to get ready for a special night out. Does the hair styling come with beard styling as well? Do curlers work better than the curling thong for a more long lasting style?

And how is it washed, how often? Is there a special day set aside for hair washing. Would you say, “Oh I’m washing my beard” if you didn’t want to go out with a friend? What works best, is it the shower wash, in the bath or at the sink?

Is there ever a problem of nits and lice? Does one sweat from one’s facial hair as one does from one’s head? How does one maintain the body, or is it all right to allow it to go limp.

When it is washed, does facial hair require shampoo? Conditioner? Frizz ease and Mousse?

I think that it does become an obsession for certain men after a while. Why else would one take all that effort to grow all that extra protein from their faces.

I wonder, do men who belong to this exclusive club ever give each other hints and tips? Are there articles written about caring for facial hair? A magazine called “Extreme hair” a website devoted to beards called

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User Comments
  1. cherrycher

    On January 14, 2008 at 8:18 am

    Oh man.
    Those pictures were hilarious!

    “I think that it does become an obsession for certain men after a while” – you’re probably right. There’s a “Family Guy” episode about this very thing.

  2. IcyCucky

    On January 14, 2008 at 8:21 am

    I thoroughly enjoy this, great job, Anne

  3. louie jerome

    On January 14, 2008 at 9:50 am

    Yuk! I don’t like men with big beards. I always wonder what’s hiding in them. LOL

  4. Darlene McFarlane

    On January 14, 2008 at 12:37 pm

    I used to like facial hair on men in my young and silly days. I like the article. It brought up many questions that I never thought of before.

  5. Dee Huff

    On January 14, 2008 at 4:48 pm

    I laughed. You raised a lot of questions, and I certainly don’t know the answer any of them. Maybe someone can enlighten us all.

  6. Ruby Hawk

    On January 14, 2008 at 7:59 pm

    I don’t know any of the answers but the questions are interesting.

  7. Liane Schmidt

    On January 18, 2008 at 1:23 am

    Great entertaining article!

    Best wishes.


    -Liane Schmidt.

  8. Anne Lyken-Garner

    On January 18, 2008 at 3:24 am

    Thanks for your comments everyone. Maybe a man with extreme facial hair will happen by some time and give us the answers. Until then…

  9. Nick Kenney

    On January 18, 2008 at 9:23 am

    Great article, Anne.
    I have a full beard…have shaved it off a few times over the past 7 years but have always missed it and grown it back.
    I can’t speak for everyone else as to your questions but…I wash mine with shampoo while washing my hair, don’t use a conditioner on it (although I probably should) and primp often.
    I trim it weekly with an electric trimmer and trim my mustache with scissors. I used to dye it because I’m too young to be gray but Jan didn’t like it so I stopped. It’s gray blended with auburn.
    I have “bad hair days” on my face, which means hairs that stand out straight and look ridiculus!
    I do have one bare spot and comb other hair over it… which doesn’t always work…but I live with it.
    Hope these answer your questions.
    I have discussed beard control and tips with other guys with beards…we do sometimes share…

  10. Nick Kenney

    On January 18, 2008 at 9:27 am

    I also have to say that I believe that most of us if not all that do have beards are very comfortable in our own skins because (here in the states, anyway) a lot of people really don’t care for beards…so to have one is rather like saying “I don’t much care what you think, I like it and it’s staying!”

  11. Anne Lyken-Garner

    On January 18, 2008 at 11:09 am

    WEll Nick, You’ve answered all of our questions. So you DO have bad hair days. I really didn’t think that you would.

    I would love to be in a room with men discussing and sharing tips on hair care. It would be enjoyable!

  12. D

    On June 23, 2008 at 8:50 pm


  13. techzhaven

    On October 16, 2008 at 5:18 pm
    Everyone is welcone

  14. Syco

    On February 13, 2009 at 11:53 am

    Just wanted to add that some of us do use conditiner and I also use a hair surem once a week or so and there are sevral web sites that discuss tips and tricks. The hardest part for me is keeping it out of my mouth while eating. While I can’t put it up right now(I just got out of the military.) My ex used to braid my goatee.

  15. tom swift

    On April 4, 2009 at 11:34 pm

    There’s a rationale behind it.

    Some of us get tired of getting up in the morning and looking at the same old face in the mirror.

    The idea behind a beard is not that it makes you look different, but that since you don’t have to shave daily, you don’t have to look in the mirror. Problem solved.

    Of course this only works for full beards.

  16. AJ

    On October 23, 2009 at 1:26 am

    You say:

    “I think that it does become an obsession for certain men after a while. Why else would one take all that effort to grow all that extra protein from their faces.”

    Having a beard takes MUCH LESS effort to maintain than shaving every day! So your “obsession” comment doesn’t make sense.

    It’s less work, and besides – I like the way it looks on me…

  17. ray

    On November 24, 2009 at 5:06 pm

    i have some hair on my face more on my chine i would like more hair on my face or a full beard what to do im 32 years old black male what to do p.s.and a thicker must

  18. beard_advocate

    On June 18, 2010 at 4:50 pm

    interesting the only pictures of bearded men you chose to post were ugly, creepy, and scary bearded men. i\’m wondering if this was intentional…

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