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Top Ten Reasons Why Affairs Happen

Why do men and women have affairs? Why would they want to cheat on their beloved spouses? This article points out the top ten reasons why affairs may take place. Unmet needs, revenge, seemingly harmless platonic relationships and alcoholism are among the major causes of affairs.

  1. Unmet needs – We all have our needs, be they physical, mental or emotional. When these needs go unmet, men and women are bound to have affairs so as to try and satisfy their needs. All of us are thirsty, we have needs that require satisfaction and that is where the problem starts.
  2. Midlife crisis – Sometimes there is no better explanation for cheating than the good old mid life crisis. Sometimes the mere feeling of having failed to achieve much by a particular age or point in time may push a man or woman into having an affair as consolation.
  3. Childlessness – Believe it or not, some people marry for the sake of children and lack of them have been reason enough for some men and women to try affairs and see if the problem is with them or their partners. While children may actually form part of a couple’s needs, they pose major problems that should be dealt with separately.
  4. Revenge – When one partner cheats or has an affair that the other suspects or even realizes, he or she might react by having an affair of her own so as to balance the equation. Tit for tat is the name of the game and getting even the end result.
  5. Alcoholism and drug abuse – Men and women who abuse drugs, including alcohol tend to suffer from a misjudgement that may make them have an affair only for them to realize later how wrong they were.
  6. Regret – Some people regret for having married or dated the wrong man or woman and react by cheating or having an affair. While there may be no perfect partner out there, some men and women still believe in meeting that prince or princess and regret when he or she turns into yet another frog.
  7. Plationic friendship – Be wary of those friends of the opposite sex that keep hovering around your spouse. Many affairs have in the past sprung out of these seemingly harmless friendships that tend to supply the missing link in a marriage. Those best friends provide a shoulder to lean on during the bad times and when the shoulder becomes warmer than the one at home, straying partners may lean too much resulting into affairs.
  8. Problems – When problems enter through the door, love escapes through the window. Few relationships, marriages included, can withstand compound problems be they financial or otherwise. In some cases, couples tend to look at affairs as some sort of panacea to their many marital woes.
  9. Peer pressure – This affects more men than women but believe it or not, some men and women cheat merely out of influence. When everyone else is having an affair at the workplace or the salon, when everyone else dares him or her to have an affair, this influence may degenerate into an actual affair.
  10. Fantasies – Did I hear you giggle? This may be a stupid reason to have an affair but it still qualifies as one of the reasons. A few men and women have fantasies of having sex in some bizarre places and positions that may be actualized in the end if allowed to build up uncontrollably.

What would make you want to cheat or have an affair? Share your thoughts.

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User Comments
  1. albert1jemi

    On November 8, 2010 at 3:47 pm


    good points

  2. Raj the Tora

    On November 8, 2010 at 3:58 pm


    Why not! Fantasies are also emotional drives, which can be pursued by the faint-minded. Thanks for nice share. Good research. Never knew mid-life crisis is also reason for these problems. Thanks.

  3. N. Sun

    On November 8, 2010 at 4:12 pm


    Nice info! These are some great things to keep in mind after college :)
    Thanks for sharing!

  4. Guy Hogan

    On November 8, 2010 at 4:14 pm


    Okay. But I’m not married.

  5. webseowriters

    On November 8, 2010 at 4:18 pm


    I believe that “Regret” is a powerful reason

  6. Emmie

    On November 8, 2010 at 4:23 pm


    I think that some people are driven by danger and the urge to do things that they shouldn’t. I like your suggestions too.

  7. Mark Gordon Brown

    On November 8, 2010 at 4:30 pm


    my wife does not have to worry.
    I dont find any other women attractive, nor would I want to be with anyone other than her, infact we were just talking about this earlier. Most women are too into themselves, into man bashing, or are too fat for my taste.

  8. LoveDoctor

    On November 8, 2010 at 4:32 pm


    Be courageous and speak up. cheating is for cowards. there is no need to cause any damage. end it first before finding someone else.

  9. Aiyanna

    On November 8, 2010 at 5:03 pm


    Well how about learning new things on how it feels to have three in a marriage rather than two…. Or just plain thrill of never ever getting caught so keep pushing it just as much to get a Ram Bam and a thank you ma’am….
    Sometimes, just to keep the flavour of the marriage going…It starts as fun and becomes really fun….
    Well its okay to have an affair in fantasy who cares?? You can be who you want out there and whenever you want. Its your perfect world and your sanctuary….
    With regard to Best Friends well does gender really matter??? Anyone can be friends, its not always there are sparks and attractions…
    These are just thoughts not necessarily courses of action….

  10. Aiyanna

    On November 8, 2010 at 5:10 pm


    There was a saying given by a wise man whom I know, don’t whatever happens outside the ring get compared to what you have within the ring…. When that happens it becomes worrying… Keep the one in the ring happy at all times….
    Honestly, I am still trying to figure out what is meant by that, a male point of view perhaps would help…. Does it mean have an affair don’t think about it and move on??? Would you be able to research on this and enlighten us please??? Thank you for the great share….

  11. Jerry Bradford aka Jerry Atrixx

    On November 8, 2010 at 5:12 pm


    Thought provoking post and as we can both see, one that has everyone weighing in.

    My belief is that sometimes it may be one of these reasons, or an amalgam of several reasons.

    My personal opinion? Three main reasons:

    For a man

    Insecurity
    Character Flaws
    Libido (needs not being met)

    for a woman:

    Emotional needs not being met
    Character Flaws
    Insecurity

  12. giftarist

    On November 8, 2010 at 6:44 pm


    The ability to communicate to each other links to those top ten reasons you cited.

  13. Brewed Coffee

    On November 8, 2010 at 7:07 pm


    These are indeed the main reasons why people cheat. I guess it all boils down to commitment….and a very strong one at that, considering all the temptations and pressures one faces. I think no. 7 is the thing that is most dangerous as it involves deep emotional ties.

  14. clandestinef

    On November 8, 2010 at 8:42 pm


    Great article…Thanks for sharing this one. Good post…

  15. PSingh1990

    On November 8, 2010 at 9:36 pm


    Nice Share.

    :-)

  16. Tulan

    On November 8, 2010 at 10:04 pm


    Boredom is the number one reason.

  17. PARAM

    On November 8, 2010 at 11:08 pm


    Nice one….

    thanks for share.

  18. J M Lennox

    On November 8, 2010 at 11:37 pm


    There is nothing that would ever make me ever even consider being unfaithful. Commitment is commitment, whether it be in marriage or otherwise. If the going gets too tough (numerous reasons), and all avenues that can possibly be explored to repair damage have been attempted, the only option is to openly break that commitment, but never cheat on it.

  19. Anuradha Ramkumar

    On November 8, 2010 at 11:51 pm


    Unmet needs definitely plays a vital role.

  20. suhail

    On November 9, 2010 at 3:38 am


    man i am not even in any committed relationship! how i wish i had someone with me in a serious way so i could also start an affair ! I am missing so much fun in life and your lines shout that at me !

  21. Michal Dorcak

    On November 9, 2010 at 4:05 am


    All your point make sense, I think.

  22. LCM Linda

    On November 9, 2010 at 5:42 am


    From my observation, it seems that cheating often has a mix of causes. Well written. Great share.

  23. PaulB

    On November 9, 2010 at 6:03 am


    So where did you learn all this? I am impressed.

  24. gaby7

    On November 9, 2010 at 8:08 am


    Very true-extra marital flings most certainly happen around the ten points you have raised.

  25. Starpisces

    On November 9, 2010 at 8:28 am


    hmm, I think all the points you mentioned are the causes, depend on timing, situation, weather, etc…

  26. Jo N

    On November 9, 2010 at 9:54 am


    so true!

  27. Jimmy Shilaho

    On November 9, 2010 at 10:35 am


    Paul, I have the experience and also make lots of observation.

  28. Davanita

    On November 9, 2010 at 1:52 pm


    I have a hard time believing anyone can be completely faithful…great article.

  29. yes me

    On November 9, 2010 at 6:55 pm


    Did you deliberately leave out Lust? I think old lust has a shout here… ha ha ha cheers

  30. researchanalyst

    On November 10, 2010 at 3:24 am


    I think the media and social pressures play a big part in how men and woman behave, if they listen to music that says it is okay to have friends with benefits or its cool to be a player then people will be influenced and look for ways to duplicate what they see in movies, magazine covers and the like.

    As far as cheating it has become a recreational sport between men and woman of the opposite sex as well as the same gender. What is missing is morals, people have lost genuine respect for themselves and others.

    When it comes to the part of needs not being met it could be that peoples expectations are alittle too high. Or due to all the heavy workload and long hours people need to put in a job to make ends meet makes the sex life sparse or non existent.

    It is a complicated situation that has many variables, couples are imperfect and no matter how much they try to do the right thing there will be times that they let weakness and temptation take over.

  31. Temjen Imchen

    On November 12, 2010 at 3:35 am


    All the points are valid but unmet needs whether emotional or physical can be a potent factor to cheat.

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