My Married Yet Strangely Single Life as an Army Wife

I know that I have a life many women envy. I don’t have kids, I’m not tied down. I have a career and the world is my oyster. I take advantage of the time I have by living it to the fullest as much as possible. By all appearances, I live a pretty single lifestyle.

It depends on the month actually. Sometimes I will go for weeks acting like a more “normal” married couple. We both go to work, come home, fix dinner, go to the gym, and go to bed, and then on the weekends just relax and hang out. Other times, I’ll go for weeks with little contact from him.

Gone are the days of constant yahoo instant messaging and webcamming. Here are the days of an email every other day and possibly a five minute phone call on the weekend (if I’m lucky). It just depends on what his assignment is and what the resources are that he’s given. He makes every attempt possible on his end.

I live an “army wife” life that is very different from most other army wives I meet. I’m not really a part of that community because of that alone. I know there are others out there like me, but we just haven’t crossed paths yet.

I represent the few, the proud-the wives who eventually come to a point of realizing we too live separate lives from our husbands, and have to fight hard to stay connected even across spaces and oceans between us. We are strong, we are independent, we enjoy life, we are extremely adventurous, and we are in a very unique place in life. Married, but single. Single, but married. Fun to socialize with, but committed and faithful.

Some women don’t take to this well and you may recognize them in bars, flirting with other soldiers. I am not that way, but some aren’t as strong as me. As much as it would be easy for me to judge them, I know the loneliness and pain they have.

Though our spouses have no choice in the matter of being away, the fact that they are physically absent remains. It’s very natural for an army wife to feel left behind and cut off from the spouse’s “other” life that she can have little to no part in as far as classified information goes. My husband can tell me if he had a good day or a bad day, but he can’t talk to me about his job like “normal” spouses can. I cannot know the details of his operation. I don’t ask, he doesn’t tell.

I consider myself very fortunate to have the faith that I’ve had my entire life. I am thankful for all the times even in childhood and young adulthood in which I was alone and adventurous without a partner to enjoy things with. I now look back and see how God used all of those situations and lonely times to prepare me for this lifestyle. I am not sure how other army women in similar situations to mine survive without that faith and friendship in God.

What I didn’t say earlier, is that though there was an empty spot next to me on the seat, I didn’t feel completely alone. The sun was shining through the clouds and I felt an immense peace. I was completely relaxed and taking it all in. Though my husband wasn’t able to be there with me, I still had a really fun time making memories to retell to him later on.

The Army Married, yet Single life can be complex and difficult at times. But for those of us who have hope and faith, we persevere and end up with great adventures of our own. I just felt like sharing this in case you or someone you know is considering this type of lifestyle, or if you are trying to better understand someone else in this type of situation. The best thing you can do to be their friend is to be adventurous with them-understand their need for an outlet and independence.