The Army and What They Get Away with

I am writing to tell you about a situation that I am in that not only me but other women are in when it comes to the service of the United States. I don’t know where to start about it but from the beginning with my kids and I and what their dad, my husband was allowed to get away with. We are not the only Family that supports their spouse in the service that this has happened too.

  In November of 2008, I started noticing a huge difference in my husband with his attitude and such. He stopped saying he loved our son Nathan and I. I did express concern to him about it and he didn’t care just was worried about the money all of a sudden.  He would spend hours complaining without once asking about Nathan or I or even his unborn daughter I was carrying inside of me. I was contributing to the Church like 200 a month and it bothered him. We only have one bill besides the normal bills which is the car payment. I did ask what he would like me to do he gave me suggestions but didn’t tell me what to do. So I kept going the way I was with contributing because of my faith I felt I was doing right. He is not a believer in God. Out of all this constant wanting to fight with me on messenger I was advised by the company and my doctor to not get on the messenger. I told him that and he still didn’t care he thought it was a control thing with me. I expressed that he was stressing me out and was afraid what this would do to our baby I was carrying.    Well I finally after talking to the companies FRG and to the Chaplin decide to check his email after of course him telling me that he checked mine. That which made me wonder why he would feel like he had to. I found a letter from some girls mom expressing it was about time he came to his and sensuous as Finally coming home. In the letter the lady talked about a kid. I check his messenger and found that on his list was me and another girl she had her camera up before I could do anything she got off. I found a Myspace page saying he was single and lived in FL. He had only this girl on his friends list. His password was her messenger name. Come to find on her page a folder called My Baby with pictures of him from over in Iraq that Nathan and I never had seen of him. I wrote a letter to her pleading for her to back off and she wrote back attacking me as a wife and a Christian woman. Not caring about the fact that this was going to hurt the baby I was caring that was his. I confronted him about her. I found out he was hiding from me online and talking to her and camming with her and her kid. Not only that she was his ex lover from 10 years ago before he met me and the kid might be his. Well he kept saying she is a old friend and I told him that is not true if you slept with her that is not a friend. I snapped cause I didn’t know what I would do for our kids or what I would have to tell them later in life. I called and reported him. All he did for hours was laugh at me on messenger and blow me off.   Well the company didn’t do a thing to him. I tried to get them to look at his stuff and find out if he said anything to her that will be considered adultery or listen to his phone conversations and they stop the Chaplin from trying to do that. They said he didn’t touch her so there was nothing they could do.  Well he started telling me he is going to take $600 a month out of the account.  I expressed concern over it. Threw all of this I had high blood pressure being almost due with the baby and went to the hospital a few times with labor pains.   It turns out that his 1st Sgt was telling him what to do cause he was doing the same stuff to his family also. His 1st wife helped me threw everything. His 1st  Sgt was sleeping with this E1 that was under his command before he left and was still with her over in Iraq. I told him I was thinking of a different name for our little girl and he told me that if I changed it he would not sign the birth certificate. Then before he was coming home for a break due to the birth of our daughter, He told me it was over and didn’t want us.   All this stress on me I walked around for 2 weeks at 5 cm and the Doctor did stress test on me and such and decided to take the baby a few days early so we would be okay. His 1st Sgt wife helped me all the way threw the delivery and I did it without drugs in 37 minutes. Well she was a healthy little girl at 7lb .3oz. I decided to name Christana Alexis Lee Eggen what he wanted to make him happy thinking that would change everything.  He came home and pressed me for a divorce and wanted to know where I would go and wanted to know what I wanted. He told me I could have the kids and everything. He was just unhappy and wanted to be alone. Of course I didn’t know, I just wanted to wait for him to come home and then deal with it instead of at that moment when he should just relax and enjoy his kids.  On top of this his dad wasn’t feeling good and inside and out of the hospital. He refused to take us with him to see his dad. He left us with no car the day after he came home to see the kids. I expressed concerns about a car due to emergency and the baby was a week old, he told me to hit up the neighbors to take me to get a rental car. He didn’t come back till 4 days later. I told the company what he did and they did nothing.
 
 He didn’t play with Christana or Nathan. He sat on the sofa playing World of War Craft. He would put Nathan on the computer so he could play a game and that was it.  He then after so long told me that he had it planed to leave me when we first got to the base but he got deployed and decided to keep me around till he got back. He couldn’t believe that we was going to have a baby even though we planed it. He then told me Christana our daughter was a bonus. I was so upset I took off my ring cause he wasn’t wearing his and called my mom and told her what happened. Then I left and went with the kids to the neighbors house for a few hours. I came back he was still on the computer and laughed at me and said do you believe everything I said and of course I said yes and he was like not everything I said was true and laughed. He said thank you to me and that now he knows what he needs to do. Of course that killed me even more. A few months after he went back he pulled all the money. I had to go and tell the command that he took the money. They had to force him to at least pay us 600 a month for food and diapers … for three months I had to do this. I had put away the tax money and such for the kids so they wont be without and went out and got a job. Well in June I fell with Christana on the side walk when I was walking from a neighbors house. We both got hurt. She hit her head. I tried my hardest to get across the street to my neighbors house with my knee all cut up and bruised to get Christana to the hospital. I got her into the ER and she was seen. It turns out that she had bleeding on her brain from the fall. They flew her out to Columbia, Mo. It turns out she was okay. And so 2 days later I got my knee finally checked cause I could hardly walk on it. I found out I busted the fluid sac under my knee cap out.  With Christana in the hospital my dad was taking me back and forth to the base to get Nathan and take care of him and make sure he got to summer school and then back to the hospital. Well come to find out DFS was hot lined by the ER at the base. Well they was going around asking my neighbors  if I abuse the kids and such. They all told them no and that I love and protect my kids. DFS person came and seen me and told me I had to be supervised with the kids and asked my parents if they would do that and they said yes. I was so blown away by this and the guy didn’t tell me what would happen if I didn’t sign the paper. He told me I could sign or not sign so I told him no and to leave me alone. Well it turns out they are suppose to let you know if you refuse anything what will happen. Well I got a call from my neighbor that was helping out with my son that DFS had a court order to take Nathan my son away. And then found out that they was coming up to get Christana from the hospital and that they was controlling whether she was going to be discharged or not.  Well I went out and got a lawyer right away. It turns out that the company had red crossed him to come home and that they had it set up for him to get the kids. Well, the system down here DFS didn’t have to show proof of abuse nothing. I had by a doctor seen the CT and MRI scan on Christana with my mom and they only showed two bleed spots from the fall. They told the judge that there was multiple bruising on her. On top of that they was sitting there smiling and laughing at their table while we was talking to the judge. I found out from my friend she over heard them saying that that she was fine and only had two bleed marks on her brain and there was no bruising and they told my husband I would not get the kids and that they was only giving them to him.  Well According to the AR-99 till a divorce is done he has to provide a roof over my head and such. After court I had a hour to get my stuff out of the house cause they gave him the kids.  The Army is suppose to do some counseling with the Soldier before he is let back into the home to make sure his mental status is okay, they did not do that. The Chaplin tried to counsel him and the company commander refused the Chaplin to council him to make sure he would be okay with the kids. I had no car, phone or roof over my head. My parents let me use their little truck and put me on their phone plan. I was sleeping at my neighbors house and eating there. I had no where to go. I didn’t want to leave the state, let alone the area due to fearing he would say I left the kids. Plus I had visits with DFS to see the kids once a week for 2 hours. He now for 2 months has paid me nothing. I took it up the chain of command and they say that he doesn’t have to. I pointed out the AR-99 and they said that is not what it means. My dad is retired army and is discussed by this and has complained to them and they refuse to return his phone calls. Everyone keeps giving us the run around.  I went back to work and I kept in touch with them about what is going on and they decided to let me go on top of all of this. The job was threw Aafes on base so it didn’t surprise me that they would not keep me on also. Well my husband put a Order of Protection on me for no reason.  Well I showed up at court and he didn’t so they dismissed the charges.  I went out and got a job at McDonalds and put myself up in a motel for the month with savings money I had. Finally found a trailer threw a church I could afford to rent. Won’t be moved in till August.
I am trying to do everything I can to get my kids back. I was still breast feeding our daughter. He didn’t care so he put her on formula even though I was having someone drop the milk off for her. He went and stopped the WIC I had used to feed her with. He then turned around and got rid of our sons puppy that I got for him just cause he didn’t want to deal with it. When I see my kids, Nathan tells me that “baby doesn’t like daddy and daddy put in movie and went to sleep when sis is up. He told me to let him sleep for another 30 minutes.” On base your not suppose to sleep when your kids are up for their safety and not suppose to let them out of your eye sight. He does that. He puts in whatever he wants to watch my son told me “daddy was watching a scary movie, I told daddy I don’t want to see it is scary.” Nathan tells me he wants to come home with me and he loves me and misses me. I have to keep telling him that they wont let me take him and he cries to me and holds on to me. When I was holding Christana I noticed her ears was covered in wax and her nails needed to be cut. I reported that and they did nothing. Her car seat is filthy and needs to washed bad.
 
 I seen him the other day at his Lutienuts house when I was driving off base. His Lutienut was not even home but he was outside with our kids and his Lutienuts daughter that is like 19 years old playing with the kids.  My son’s Birthday is coming up on August 14th and court is that day. I don’t want to miss Nathan’s Birthday. Last year when he was over in Iraq I had set up the web cam and made everyone in the neighbor hood to wait for him to come online so he can see the Birthday party live like he was there. He was on World of War Craft playing his game. It took me 30 minutes to get him off of the game. He is not the only one out there where this game messes families up. 
 
 I know of several ladies out there with kids and such with their husbands over seas messing around and coming back and breaking it off from their kids and wives to be with other women. Cutting the money off and we complain to just get support and everyone ignores us and wont do anything.
 
 My issue is not the first but I am Feeling every emotion What has happen to our country where they say we are about the families but it is a cover up and they really say screw the kids and wives that get hurt they don’t matter just the soldier that defends and fights for the United States. We are back here doing what we must to support and love our husbands and sending packages to make them have some comforts from here at home.    I also know here in Missouri DFS always lies and takes kids away from their parents for no reason. What about the kids!!!!!!! I mean the freaking mental, emotional damage that it causes the kids. Does anyone not care???? What has this world come to when our tax money goes to waste cause no one really wants to do their job right and doesn’t care. All that tax money that people pay to even support the families of soldiers and the soldiers cut off the kids and takes the money for themselves and nothing is given to the kids or wives.
 This is a issue that needs to be addressed and taken care of. I guess I was hoping that you would read this and feel what my kids are going threw and that you could express it. I am crying out for help for my kids. I am a mother of two beautiful and wonderful kids Nathan 5 years old and Christana 6 months 2 weeks old.
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 What in the Hell are we suppose to do?!   If you take the time to read this that would mean the world to me and so many other families out there that are suffering. If you at least do that thank you. Just hoping that you of all people can help. God Loves you, God Bless you and your family! Sincerely a pleading Mother of two, Melissa Eggen