The Secret Lives of Military Wives

As a wife of a soldier we have many battles of our own. It’s a given fact that we worry to the point of no return. We binge eat or we starve ourselves. We either max out credit cards or sanity. And we are at a constant war with everyday life. When our men are away from us, all we see is everything that reminds us of them. Going food shopping becomes a tear jerker in the pasta isle. You pick up a box of penne pasta, (the type he loves and you hate) you throw it into your shopping cart to make for dinner later, a little something to make it seem like he’s home. You realize that things that annoyed the hell out of you about him, you wish he was there to do. You miss arguing and making up. You miss fighting for the sheets and playing in them.

Then you have those days when you wake up and you just feel dead! No reason to get out of bed, can’t eat, all you want to do is sleep but you’re restless. Everything you try to do to get yourself out of a slum just seems pointless and doesn’t work. You begin to worry yourself physically sick. And this thing that should last only a day, stays until you at least hear their voice and you know that they are OK. You convince yourself everything will be OK, and then a few days later you’re back to no sleep, endless coffee and a carton of Newport 100s. We fight with ourselves not to think of the thing we are all scared of. But it stays in the front of our minds. And this is where all the things we’re not supposed to think come into play. An elderly woman I met on a plane to San Diego a few years ago whose husband was in Vietnam told me,”Admitting we think these things is never allowed, it makes us bad wives!” I disagreed with her then before I was married and still do now.

Being a soldiers wife comes with a responsibility and a knowledge that you are expected to already know. If this is the first time you are hearing about this don’t be shocked. I didn’t know anything either. I’m still learning, and that is why i have come to write this. Not just to help me get through it but to share what has worked for me and in hopes could save someone from a breakdown. As we are thrown into the life of last minute everything, we are not allowed to complain about just finding out. We are not allowed to get upset.We are made to feel guilty for crying when they leave. And we’re just meant to deal with this quietly? And the answer is YES! How can I as a woman say that? They are getting shot at every day. They could die. The only thing that runs through their heads even as much as they try to fight it is us. Do you want that image to be a sad one? I didn’t think so. In reality we can’t help it and that is something they are just going to have to deal with! (Like they don’t have enough problems?)